So, after a recent conversation with lets say... X I want to vent, I need to vent but first I need to give a little background. My uncle is currently in hospital as some of you may know, he was diagnosed with a shadow on the brain and there was talk of cancer obviously, hes been having more frequent seizures and he isnt himself. On boxing day my mum left Canada to go and stay with my auntie (her sister) to take some stress off her while he went for a biopsy of his brain the next day. They kept him awake and I think drilled into his skull to remove some of his brain, apparently he has 2 holes in his head. Anyways, I think they discharged him the next day (which i think is terrible) on tuesday night he suffered another massive seizure and was taken into hospital where they have put him into a drug induced coma while he continued to have fits throughout the evening. My mum says that he seems alot better today and thats why she is flying back to Canada tomorrow morning insha'allah.
My frustration lies with this, I proceeded to tell X about my auntie, who is distraught at the moment, she isnt eating, is anxious, nervous and not looking after herself... shes a mess! So the answer I got was... is she a believer? I said Im sure she believes in God, Ive never really spoken to her about religion before and I dont know what she believes is God so I cant really talk for her. After that I preceeded to get a mini lecture about how that is why 'we' as muslims are different. If a muslim was in this position they would have faith in God, make duaa and remember that everything is Qadr of Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) Now this frustrates me for this reason.... yes, I agree with what was said but does that mean that we sit back watching people slipping away and deal with it? Surely that isnt healthy to keep all that grief locked up inside. My auntie and uncle have been married for probably over 30 years masha'allah, could you imagine how you would be if your husband of that many years was being taken away from you? I cant even imagine how I would be in that position, it hurts because the way it was said sounded so cold.. there was a sigh before proceeding to tell me the difference between muslims and non muslims. Does this mean that we shouldnt care about family members deaths? that we should brush it under the carpet?
This is so close to my grandmothers death, I dont know how I will be if he leaves too, even though I know that everything is written for my uncle. I just dont like to think of him in pain. Allahu alim.
Thanks for 'listening'
Salam...I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle Inshallah he will be better and may God ease his pain and the pain of those around him Inshallah
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but whoever said those words to you was very insensitive. Yes there are differences between believers and non-believers but this is not a case in which that has any relevance! I mean yes we as Muslims pray to God to give strength during the hard times and ultimately we know that everything is in God's hands and what He wills will be but I don't think being a Muslim exempts you from feeling horrible and scared when a loved one is in pain or suffering. You needed some reassurance not a lecture...I'm sorry if my words are harsh but I just think that some people should think before they speak!
I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers
Salam Ammena!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry too that X struck a chord in you. i'm not in your shoes, but i might have felt the same.
I agree with Aalya when she said, yes believers pray to God for strength but that does not necessarily mean that believers are immunized from feeling depressed.
X is entitled to her/his own opinion (i'm picturing Luke from 'make me a muslim' saying this). But maybe X didnt really mean to come across as being insensitive (well, i hope so). maybe she/he thought that was the best thing to say at that moment. I agree that reassurance was needed and not a lecture. but perhaps she/he wasnt aware of that and as always, no body's perfect, and we all need a lil reminder here and there, right?
In my opinion, no, it does not mean that we sit back and watch people slip away dealing with it. no, it does not mean that we shouldnt care about family members' death and no, it does not mean that we should just brush it under the carpet. Rasulallah s.a.w would not have done that. He would have done what he could, regardless of faith.
There is a hadith. It goes something like this... Rasulallah s.a.w had a street he usually take and on that street there was a lady, a non-believer. whenever he would pass her, she'd mock and tease and say hurtful thing to him. it goes on day after day after day. one day, she was not there on her usual spot. So Rasulallah s.a.w searched for her, found her at her home, ill. He brought some food and she asked why is he being so kind. and he said something like 'cause its good to do good'... something like that. have you heard of this?
What's the update on your uncle. it really isnt easy witnessing someone have being unwell. Is your aunt managing alright?
sincerely,
Melor
salam aliekum..I agree with both sisters...
ReplyDeleteSis... Allah is showing who is good for you and who is not.
You have the purest heart I know.
btw... wouldn't you be telling me that everything happens for a reason and to be strong and have sabr?
;)
I culda sworn heard that before :)
You are all in my duaas..
HUGGS
Aslamu alakum ameena
ReplyDeletei am so sorry to read about your uncle and the suffering , also the pain your aunt is going through too. I hope your mom is back safely, arghhhhhhhhhh i just lost the main body of my comment sorry :(
Assalaamu Alaykum Ammena,
ReplyDeleteSorry to read about your uncle. How is he doing now? And how is your aunt? It's quite unfortunate that a lot of Muslims speak in a manner that itself is against Islam. We've been told to speak to disbelievers with wisdom and beautiful speech, so how should we speak to our brothers and sisters in Islam? And moreso regarding something that may be causing grief to someone. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. May Allah give us all wisdom in our speech.