A new month

April 1st 2011

Agenda for today: sort out money exchange and buy some cotton shalwaar suits for me or kameez's for me to wear because I have no thin tops with me!! everything I bought it too heavy, even the really thin skirt I bought with me is not thin enough and Im wearing my sister in laws kameez's at this present moment. Before she gave me it to wear we went to give in my 2 wedding suits to be measured and made. He says there isnt enough material for even 3/4 sleeves :( but will make them as long as possible.

Went to make final decisions for the venue. This has to be the first time in my entire life I have ever been made to feel so worthless or that my opinion meant absolutely nothing. The guy was so arrogant and spent more time oogling my sister in law than actually listening to my husband. He made me feel like our suggestions and opinions meant nothing to the whole plan. They laughed at our simple likes and I lost count how many times I was told 'this is how they do things now' When we left, I cried.. I was so frustrated :( My sister in law told me yesterday that I was lucky to not be asian as things were expected of me but then everything about the plans were so stereotypically asian I just didnt understand.

We came home to eat and then the girls went out to meet a girl for my brother in law... Chilli tomato and I sat with Abu looking through photos :) Then we fixed the skype on his desktop and set up the webcam so he can talk with us and bil better.

When the girls came home, they hadnt been to see the girl.. they had gone shopping *rolls eyes* but bought L's walimah outfit which is so pretty masha'Allah

SIDENOTE hubby has a cold sore :( he thinks he picked it up from the teacup where we bought my wedding sharaha :(

Welcome to Karachi

March 31st still 2010 ;) hehee (Its only when I get to April and have to think to change the month do I actually start working on the right year)

First full day in Pakistan, had nice cold shower in the morning and took my anti-malaria tablets. Havign pains in stomach now, wonder if its because I took them on an empty stomach??

Went out for a drive; still not used to the roads and even more not used to Chilli tomatoes driving!! Went out with A to pick up little sis in law from school :) hubby got the sandals fixed by some guy who sits under a sheet on the island in the middle of the roads (that are supposed to separate oncoming traffic, but apparently noone believes in that and drive both ways on both sides) They told him in UK that they couldnt be fixed, but hey presto :) and all for a few pound.

Getting ready to start the day properly now, going to the shops and to see nana later.
Woke up this morning to the fajr adhan, I just remembered now as I listen to it calmly going off for dhuhr. Amazing subhanallah :D

Went to see nana, poor guy, hes so thin.. about 6 months ago he was diagnosed with some cancer, they operated and apparently it was a success. Then something happened and it looks like his body is just wasting away, he isnt getting all his nutrients properly, is being fed through a feeding tube. He doesnt talk (hes had a tracheotomy) or move and they say he doesnt register anything :( I feel so sorry for him.. it was very upsetting for me to see him that way, I cant imagine how it must be for his family who knew him as a strong, tall man full of character and stories about his cricketing career and tea with the Queen.. masha'Allah he led a full life, I just wish I could have heard about it from him :( He reminded me of my uncle not long before he died in 2009 before he ballooned with water. It got to me but I felt like I had no right or they would think I had no right to get upset. I know hubby is glad that we went though alhamdulillah and thats all that matters.

Then we went to see nooni, such a kind and wonderful woman masha'Allah. She lives with her youngest son and their family. Seeing hubby she just cried and cried, telling him about her husband. It reminded me of my Grandad when my Nana died, but her husband is still alive :( such a terrible situation, it must be horrible to see him suffering like this. May Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) grant him strength through this test and end his suffering. They keep singing Chilli's praise, how much of a worker his is, everyone is so proud of him masha'Allah. Thats my husband, Alhamdulillah ;)

Then we went to see Abu's youngest sister, the spoke English, so nice. Let us use the internet and we handed out the invitations.Came home and ate dhaal, aubergines and rice Was nice, took some tablets for my tummy.. feeling much better in the evening alhamdulillah.

After food we left to check out the venue for the walimah, but the guy wasnt there so I think we are going back tomorrow. Then we drove to the shopping area (Tariq Road) in search of clothes for the walimah. In the third shop after much bargaining, which was highly amusing, we got my bridal lengha (or sharara as they call it here) fabric and we love it! A pastel green colour, so now just have to get bangles and matching hijab (looking back now, there was a lot more that apparently I NEEDED to get that I just didnt realise at the time!) Also bought fabric for a suit, normally a fancy shalwaar kameez but hubby asked to be made with a skirt instead, a really nice bottle green for special occassions. They will make it there and we can pick it up in a few weeks insha'Allah. Forgot to mention about the sales technique here... you sit down in a shop and they show you the fabrics once you tell them what colour youre looking for, then they make some men hold the fabric for the skirt and drape the duputta over there heads and bodies so you can see what it would look like.. I forgot to get a video, was so distracted by it all.

Many new experiences, a man dressed as a lady was following hubby around for awhile, everyone seems to latch to him lol. We got Chilli a lovely dark orange kurta from Shahid Alfredi's store which will work really well with my mehndi outfit. Im glad hes wearing it, I think he will look really nice and he only even wears things like this for Eid prayer. So to have these 3 days, or events, of him wearing these.. I cant wait :D His sherwani is being made especially for him too, shoes and turban :)

When we got back to the car we found a big crack in the bumper and all stood around thinking what to do about it. Until ami walked around and saw the hanging ornament from the mirror was different, it wasnt our car!!! It was such a funny and memorable moment alhamdulillah.

We got home and showed abu all the fabric shoes and purses we had bought, told him about the sherwani and showed him a few pictures we had taken of hubby trying on the ones in the shop. A's husband came over for a little while aswell.

 A man came over around 1230am!!! to install a wireless router for the house, so now they have internet :D Finally got to sleep abour 2am.

Found out my brother in law isnt arriving until 8th, when he told us he would be there the day after we arrived. Im not impressed and slightly annoyed while I write this. I dont care what date he comes on, but why tell us different?? He thinks its amusing, but he will be missing a party that we didnt know anything about (the mayoon) I feel sorry for hubby mostly though, he would like his big brother here.. but more freedom for me for the time being around the house ;)

Arriving

March 30th 2010 ;)

We just landed in Muscat, Oman. Felt the heat as soon as we stepped off the plane 24oC at 0845.
Just waiting for hubby to make wudu then pray fajr, as soon as you stepped through security we saw a sign for a prayer room :) We arrived here really early, was supposed to be 0900 but I cant see us leaving earlier but oh well.
Lots of people in more traditional 'islamic' wear working in higher positions you wouldnt see in the UK. The airport is very quiet in comparision but the area looks amazing. The water, dry land, sparse housing, few cars on even fewer roads. I think we are both too used to congested cities now :(
Very tired!! Upset stomach. Did I mention tired?? and I cant see myself getting to bed early tonight

Little kid taking a much needed nap
 

Flight to Karachi very different, plane much smaller for obvious reasons ( local flight) Im the only whitie on the plane, but it doesnt feel intimidating at all. Everything is said in English although I did get asked 'chai?' I could totally pass as a Pakistani, pale.. but still ;)
Lady complaining about there being a fish option, go figure! 'Im Pakistani, not...' She didnt finish the sentence and said it in plain English :D
Hubby is helping the guy next to him fill out his disembarkment card. Did I mention we are in 18 B+C, not 17 F+E like our tickets say?
31oC ground temperature he says, hmm. Hubby doesnt think hes used to Pakistani mentality (especially the lack of manners) anymore. The queueing, of lack of, already got my back up
Discending

Settled
Everything is great alhamdulillah, his family have welcomed me with an open heart and open arms.
They picked us up from the airport, although werent there at the gates like we expected. As soon as they saw us there were smiles all around, ami cried as she hugged us both and I was a little tearful too.
I tried to keep my eyes closed on the drive home, which was hard sometimes but I trust them and they know the roads better than me.
We gave out the presents which they all loved, especially the photos frame for ami and the body shop goodies. We ate something Ive never had before and I was impressed that it wasnt that spicy for me. Had it with fresh naan that worked out abotu 7p each, when we pay 25p for a sub standard version from Tooting! I think I can live off the naan.
Phoned mum and dad, dads birthday on Saturday.
An auntie is here, came while I slept for about 4 hours, but Im hiding upstairs as I cant be bothered putting on my scarf :( will meet another time insha'Allah
XX

The beginning

ok.. so Im starting to go through my diary and Ill start by filling you in on the journey leading up to the holiday

March 26th 2011 (Although I just realised I wrote 2010 on the page lol)

3 more sleeps and with the constant calls from the in-laws every day brings a new rush of emotions. From A's party preparations to using ami's wedding skirt to hearing the different tone of abus voice. It all makes me feel so nervous to think Im actually going to meet these people and share memories with them insha'Allah
Im most nervous about meeting ami, I worry she wont think Im good enough for her son, and the comunication barrier and my lack of desi cooking skills will make her wish for someone different for him. I pray this isnt the case and I pray we can find a way to communicate somehow.
I look forward to relaxing with A and pray her english skills are as good as hubby says. I hope her problems when I speak with her on the phone are just because she isnt used to me. I visualise me plaiting L's hair as we all talk with each other as a family, the sisters I never had, the closeness and bonding that I never had.
There are still so many things to pack but effort is not needed, I just want to be there now and finish these thoughts
XX

March 28th 2011 (10 again lol)

Getting everything finally sorted, hubby is finishing tidying up and I've just put the millionaires shortbread in the fridge to set the chocolate. Will break it into pieces before we leave tomorrow, still need to take out money but hubby will take out some tonight and we can get the rest tomorrow.
Was feeling very ill at work today, broke out in spots, everyone thinks its nerves. I pray so!!
Just looking forward to getting on the plane now, hubby thinks we are leaving too early but I would rather be there too early than too late. I hope we dont forget anything, I always have this feeling that I will forget something. As long as I have my passport and money I will be fine insha'Allah
Ok more things need doing so, until tomorrow
XX

My 2 year wedding journey

After reading through Sara's tale of 2 weddings I wanted to comment but found that what I wanted to say didnt really fit the post.. so I decided to write my own post about my wedding journey :D
I shared many similarities with Sara but also many differences, lets start at the beginning. When we decided to get married it was just a month after we had met and the wedding was set for four months after we met. Can you imagine telling your parents you are getting married after 4 months when the norm is probably more like 4 years.. Of course because of the difference in my religion from my parents, I knew they wouldnt understand the importance or the need to get married so soon so we could enjoy our relationship in a permitted state. Needless to say, I didnt tell them :) After we were islamically married my husband got to know my family more and we took a few trips to visit them, my mum met him on a visit over from Canada and everyone loved him.
Just short of a year before we met we decided to move forward with the next thing, to marry officially in the eyes of the law to cement Chilli Tomatoes stay in the UK. My mum didnt speak to me for a month, then again for 3 weeks until my stepdad finally phoned me up to ask when it would be. The wedding was set for September 27th, there we had his brother and all of my family and friends (who he also knew dearly too) I would say there was only 2 families who he hadnt met because they live further away from where we normally stay but they were still dear to my life. I had planned the wedding in a little over 2 months, I bought many little things from ebay for gifts (mum, dad and brother) cake toppers, bubbles, balloons, a banner amongst other things. I used the dress I had bought from Monsoon for the nikah (religious ceremony) and bought a satin jacket to wear with it (the initial cardigan was too casual for my mums taste) that went perfect. I actually started to feel like this was the proper wedding.. I spend alot of time organising things, from the tie colour coordination of the groom, his brother, my dad, grandad and stepdad, the themed socks, the flowers, the venue, the table decorations, the cake (hand made cupcakes and a hand made 2 tier), the handmade cards to go with the wedding favour bags we made down to the handmade invitations. I had my finger in everything we were using and even hubby too.. he helped make the invites, the favours, wore the socks and cuff links I gave him with love, he made the rounds with me, he made decisions for table decorations, told me when I was going overboard and took in everyones congratulations with affection and honesty masha'Allah. I think the reason why I felt this was the proper wedding apart from all the time it took to organise and our efforts, for me.. this was the 'outing' we were officially going to be married, everyone would know down to UKBA and the distant neighbours in Canada. This was the day people would remember but for me it was the final thing.. we were going to married and noone could take that away from us.
We had big involvement in both of these weddings alhamdulillah and once Chillis visa was through the next step was to have a big official walimah in Pakistan surrounded by his family and friends. I saw all of our wedding occasions as for the people who it was important to, the nikah was for us, the civil for my family and although his family recognised our nikah the walimah was really what they were after. So we gave it to them!
Before I left for Pakistan I told my husband I was just open to everything, this was his culture and as long as I could wear my scarf for the occasions they could do anything they wanted. That was until I heard his sister wanted us to have a horse drawn carriage to the walimah venue from the road and for me to be carried into the mehndi on a big cushion.
When we got there I realised there wasnt an option of what we were allowing them to do, they were doing it! Until that is we told them if they wanted the oh so elaborate stage or background they could pay for it, 5 dishes were definately enough! Alhamdulillah we got good prices for everything but the organising for this didnt miss any tears from me I can assure you that!! I just had to keep telling myself that in a few weeks it would all be over and that was all I could do to keep my head above water. Details of all that are coming up so I will make this bit brief. Would I have changed anything?? Yes! Could I have changed anything? I doubt it! Im glad I did everything I did for the civil ceremony that I did, because if I hadnt I feel I would have felt let down. Im happy to have seen the look on my mother in laws face as she kissed my husband on the dancefloor at the mehndi, the look of sheer pleasure from my father in law as he sat next to us at the walimah posing for photos or as he sat alone with me on the swing at the mehndi.

All in all, Im very happy with my 3 weddings :) Its a story to tell the grandkids thats for sure and plenty of memories to share alhamdulillah

Onwards and upwards

So yes, we are home :) safe and sound alhamdulillah. Before I go into my diary writings of the past month there are a few blogs that I wanted to write with reference to different peoples pages that I have read recently. I could comment but one of them isnt totally what the person is looking for and the other one I dont want to write for view to everyone there as Im sure far many more people read hers than mine ;)
We are both back at work now so trying to get back into the routine, missing family but thankfully we sorted out the internet in his parents home while we are there and installed skype onto the home computer. Now we get regular phone calls from little sister for chats when she is bored on her own, which is quite often :) Alhamdulillah for the connection.
Im still without a new surah :( but feeling refreshed and ready for new things now the holiday is over. Its weird, we dont really have anything to plan for now which is nice, although we did book flights to Canada the other day for the end of December but thats far away and doesnt really need much money to save for (except for the car rental and little trips) In the meantime we have to sort out our finances and sort out our lives ;) insha'Allah one step at a time :D We would like to move sometime soon and for Chilli Tomato to get his driving license (I very much got used to him driving while we were in Pakistan) so hopefully it wont take too long for that.
So look out for a new post soon insha'Allah..... for the time being, I should probably get back to work shh
Peace and Salams
Ammena