My Mood

So yes.. Ive said it... Im ashamed of myself... :( I still havent learnt my new surah :( So in the space of nearly 2 years of marriage I have learnt 1 surah... 1 surah!!! astagfrillah.. I just cant get the push to do it and I do know that the thought of a 12 verse surah is very daunting to me.. I contemplating learning just the arabic like I did for my last surah (al-humazah) I have learnt the first 3 verses alhamdulillah.. but they are repetition and a borrowed verse from another surah :( 

Creative

yes, this is how Im feeling right now on my weekend off. It started yesterday but I didnt actually do much about it except for make aloo gobi :D I have to say I was impressed with it alhamdulillah so thats one dish hubby doesnt have to cook for us from now insha'Allah, although he forgot to mention the potatoes until the last step lol :) but alhamdulillah it still worked out. Even the spices ;) although he did tell me all the things I needed to put in, but it worked out well.
So now, today Ive been making a big start on the stitching I decided to make for ami a few months ago. Hubby picked the colours, I picked the pattern of 'paradise lies under the feet of the mother' Its on navy aida using green and red thread so insha'Allah it looks well in the end.
Thats it for now, more to come soon insha'Allah

How I feel today

Feeling a little lonely today, this is the second weekend that hubby has been working and now I realise how he feels when Im working during the week and he is at home :( Trying to decide what to do, most of the wedding stuff is already organised so there isnt really much else to do.
I have one week left at work and then we are leaving for the north.. I finish at 1030 on Friday morning (start at 0230) then its off to pick up the car, get my fake tan and maybe catch a little nap before we head off to the M25 :D Im having 3 days off at work, mum is over for a week. Its going to be busy from start to finish but Im really looking forward to catching up with friends for a little party on the Saturday and with family and older friends at the wedding. My brother-in-law is flying in from Germany on Wednesday and getting the coach up to Edinburgh in the night time so I have to make some biscuits and cookies for him to pick at. Hubby has recently decided that he needs to start eating more meat and he thinks its purely that reason that he has lost so much weight since we married.. Allahu alim
Anyways, thats really it from me for now. Going to spend some time stitching, maybe go out and buy some wrapping paper for some gifts I recently bought and something else but I currently cant remember what ;)

Peace and salams,
Ammena

At the moment

From my moods we are very busy at the moment, although now currently Im reading Quran and hubby is talking to family. We are waiting for the postman, well I am.. I dont think hubby cares ;) then after Dhuhr insha'Allah we are going to go to the shops to look for his shirt and shoes for the wedding.. Ive been buying a few little things for the wedding... just bought my mum this little thing to put on the table at the reception and we bought my dad a personalised glass with our names and the date of the wedding on... insha'Allah they like them both.
The list of things to do for the wedding is slowly going down alhamdulillah, my next door neighbour is making our top tier wedding cake :) chocolate sponge and lemon sponge insha'Allah... shes practising this weekend so Im really looking forward to the pictures of those :)

My mood

Its been awhile but here I am again... I had a great conversation with my mum last night alhamdulillah. She has her outfit for the wedding and wanted to tell me all about it, as was the same about her shopping trip, plans when she gets over here, things we are going to do. She isnt letting me see A the morning before the wedding *rolls eyes* but whatever lol :) I got to bed late but I was glad I talked to her.. woke up late, as tired the whole day but alhamdulillah
Now I just got a call from the hotel saying I cant have the layout for the tables that I wanted :( there is my disappointment :'(

My mood

I havent done one of these posts in awhile so here goes, Im off work for the day today as Im working on Sunday but Im excited as Im going to an area in North East London that Ive never been to, to meet up for lunch with a few friends. The sister, Canadian, invited me over to her newish pad as well as a few other sisters we know who I havent really sat down with for quite sometime now :) So Im looking forward to having some girlie time and enjoying my friends insha'Allah. Photos may follow ;)

Excited

Yup, thats me at the moment. We have been looking at flats today, 2 more tomorrow and everything seems to be going well so far insha'allah :D Ill keep you all up to date dont worry, just remember us in your duaa. JazakAllah khair

My mood

So, as per my mood.... Im a lil distracted as most of you have probably realised recently.. Ive been busy too which doesnt help when Im distracted as I tend to forget things that should be more important to me. Ive neglected this blog for a start and I do apologise, I try to keep you up to date but by the time I sit down to write a million things have happened and I feel like Ive forgotten most of the things and cant give you an accurate account of my life. Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is coming much quicker than I want it to, but once its here I will be reading Quran, learning some new surahs insha'allah (I have 2 in mind this year) cooking more and generally sorting out that side of my life. So for the time being I leave you with this picture and a note that I am keeping on top of the blogs I read so dont think I dont know whats going on with you!! Im off for a few hours with my homie Mina this afternoon, which we havent done since she got married so Im looking forward to that insha'allah.
Peace and salams,

Its been a long time...

To the tune of Aaliyah from one of her first tunes :) please note.. this isnt how Im feeling, I just thought of the title and instantly thought of the beginning of this song.
So yeh, its been awhile.. Ive been around, not really doing much but around. Its been a quiet and boring weekend, I spent some time in the garden mowing the grass and planting a tree for my grandad. Its in the most randomess of positions and looks like a twig sticking out the grass but its where he wanted it so Ill leave that to him. I didnt really do much else yesterday, took a walk to the shops to get some fresh air.. did I tell you the weather was stunning? I wore my new skirt (the crinkle silky one from LTS, love it!) Today I did a little more although not much.. my dad came over bringing my sister, her little boy and my brother too so was good to see them :) I got to play with my nephew and was pleased to hear that he recognised me and knew my name.. it always pokes me deep when I realise that a child I should see lots of doesnt know my name, which is what it was like for Matthew when I first came back to UK. I got to chat to my bro for a bit which was nice, and when everyone was leaving it was nice to get a kiss and hug off them both :) always makes me smile to think they still see me as their 'sister' when I was never there as they grew up, which I do regret but Allah has a greater plan for me. I went over to the shops.. again (and didnt buy anything, again!) but I did take these shots on my walk over.
My football team got through to the finals of the FA cup tonight :) so maybe thats why Im feeling a little better.. although according to my punky still feeling unloved, noone wants to talk to me or give me cuddles.. well maybe not they dont want to, just noone is here to do it
Ive got an assessment next week for a job in Surrey so remember me in your duaas ladies please.. means Ill be in London for a wee while :) travelling down tuesday and leaving wednesday... flying visit I know, but has to be done.. and as I dont really have anywhere to stay I dont really want to impose on people. The girl who offered me a bed is so generous masha'allah.. its what puts my faith in the ummah back up there.. Ive met her once, dont talk to her on msn, email, blogs, phone or text... I know her through a good friend, thats the only connection but still she didnt think twice about offering me a place masha'allah.
So tomorrow I will be organising a small bag for me to take down insha'allah.. and for tonight, thats all from me :D take care peeps.. peace and salams,

Depressed

Yes... down, again.... :( numerous reasons but was pushed further into this emotion I was reminded about a childhood moment. Totally related to conversation my auntie asked me if I still prayed at night before going to bed, I answered with a question... did I used to? Apparently my mum used to make me do it, I dont remember doing it because my mum made (or asked) me to, but I do remember once, for awhile, praying to God to take me away to be with my favourite auntie when he took her away from me at the age of 7.
Why do I go through this stages?? it makes me feel worse sometimes not knowing this.
Was pointed out to me today that I hadnt told you all, but I didnt get that job. Allah has a plan I know alhamdulillah.. got my postcard from Morocco, pretty pic... I wanna go!

Yes, edgy

My uncle had a massive U turn yesterday, one of his lungs collapsed and we were told that the doctors dont think he will survive from this whole illness. Also, we finally got it out of them that my uncle knows what is wrong with him but he has asked for it to not be disclosed to any of the family :( I only hope and pray that he knows what he is doing. I wont disrespect his wishes and moan and complain about not knowing, because that is what he wanted and it wouldnt make a bit of difference if I knew what was doing this to him . Im going to Oxford again tomorrow insha'allah, just wanted to keep you up to date and ask for your duaa... I pray that he recovers from this enough to come home where I can show him the beauty of Islam if Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has it written for his heart to be uncovered to this. However, I know that if it isnt written there is nothing I can do. Allahu alim. Its been a rollercoaster lately I can tell you that!!

Broke

Yes peeps.. Im broke :) and Im feeling it now. I just picked up the car to take me and my cousin to visit my uncle in hospital in Oxford tomorrow insha'allah, 44 quid... but my auntie said she would pay for it alhamdulillah. So why am I feeling broke you may ask? because Im thinking of the petrol I have to put into it and the fact that Im relying on her to pay for it.. but also because we have schemed to get more money out of my auntie. Bad I know but this isnt just me.. my cousin & my mum have been involved with it, and it isnt like we are forcing the money out of my auntie... she offered, so we decided to take the money for the weeks use of the car, but not actually take the car for a week. :D So I have a cute little fiesta with tinted back windows, very cute!! and I love how zippy it feels, hmm Im thinking if I need to get a car I like the feel of this one :) hint hint.. anyone want to buy me a car?? :)

Anyways, news on uncle... the doctors have given him a tracheotomy to help with him breathing.. it isnt really good news because it means that the treatment before wasnt really working, but it does mean that hes awake which is a good thing. The other thing is that the drugs (that have kept him sedated) are finally coming out of his system, hes waking up and was obviously agitated with the whole issue. So apparently the nurses talked to him and calmed him down, so he was a little better but he had a little seizure this morning and they dont know why. Im hoping that we will be able to get some news tomorrow when we drive down. Im not currently praying, but I sooo wanted to so that I could say to my cousin.. u mind if i just pop into the prayer room to say my prayers? I think I might still do something along those lines.

Insha'allah Im staying at another cousins on the weekend and Im intending on explaining my Islam to her and the situation with bro A (she had offered him a place to stay masha'allah, but he decided against it because of her 2 dogs) We are watching a few films, get a takeaway, girlie night.. so I will report back.. shes my age, we went to same high school so sort of grew up together and shes still trying to look after me bless her.

Anyways, thats it for now...
Peace and salams, Ammena

Bored

Seeing as Ms ES commented on the fact that I hadnt changed my mood for 2 days I thought I would change and explain. So my current mood is why I havent changed it... yes peeps.. Im bored!! I have no car! and havent been out the house for the past 2 days, insha'allah Im planning on going to see my poorly great auntie down the road today so that will get me out. I have an eye appointment tomorrow and insha'allah Im going to stay at my cousins for a night over the weekend (if she isnt working) so thats the future plans. Actually, my friend from school came over with her nearly 5 year old yesterday, she stayed for a few hours... talked about things with my mum, future plans, my religion (she was the first person that I really told about my conversion and has always been there for me alhamdulillah)
My Grandad came back from Malta yesterday... he was supposed to be there for 3 weeks, but came back after about 10 days... dont ask!! old people! *rolls eyes*
On a totally random tangent.. ES was good to speak to you the other week :) I miss you.. Anisah, got an email from n-ti telling me about a closing down sale they are having.. are you able to get there?? Someone has given me a kick to get back into my stitching and my learning masha'allah.. surah at-takathur here we come insha'allah. Now Im home alone and off to watch LMOTP :D

Curious

Now this isnt a new one for those who know me.. Im a curious person by nature, but my mood has been the same for awhile now and I wanted to change it. I havent been out the house in 2 days, hence why I havent changed it. Anyways... so Im curious at the moment, curious to see what Allah has written for me over this year. Please dont read this wrong.. this isnt me being ungrateful or 'wishing' for other things. Cant a girl just be curious?? huh?

Distracted

... yes this is me today... just a few days ago I found out that my uncle is actually sicker than we were led to believe. We have been ignoring my aunties cries of wolf (his sister who lives up north, while hes down south) and my other uncles version of the sob story only until my cousin found out that he cant move off the bed and his body is eating itself. Last night he was finally put in hospital and today hes been moved twice, we found out hes been diagnosed with pneumonia and Im praying he gets better. My cousin is driving down on Saturday insha'allah and as I will be down there already by then I will probably have to make my way over insha'allah.. it cuts into plans, but Allah (swt) is the greatest of planners and family is more important. Allahu alim. Please remember my family in your duaa girls... insha'allah, jazakAllah khair

Ancient

yes today I feel ancient!! I realised Im 28 this year.... Im not that into numbers, they usually dont bother me. My 25th was probably the first time as I was now late 20s rather than early 20s. I feel I havent changed much in my life since I stopped growing, Ive basically stayed at the same height, same dress size, same weight, my skin has found more of a routine which I still shop for products that help me. But today as I browsed through my forum I came across a post on a sister who was asking if anyone found it more difficult to get pregnant after 35. Then another sister mentioned, while working in the maternity unit of a hospital she was told that mothers over 28 are deemed geriatric... Thats why Im feeling ancient!! Im nowhere near getting married, let alone trying for the baby I do want so badly. But Allah knows best, and with everything Im being tested with at the moment, maybe he knows that I couldnt possibly cope with that addition. Alhamdulillah.

Today

so I do want to talk about my current mood.

Last week I bumped into a great auntie of mine, her husband (my uncle, my grandads brother) died a few years ago. Anyways, I asked if she was ok and listened in silence trying to keep the tears in as she told me she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I managed to mumble that I would be around to see her soon and walked off on my errands (not in a nasty way) Today I managed to push myself to go and visit, they had been for the results this morning and were told the lump was benign (hence my mood) although they found a second lump deeper into the tissue. Her daughter told me that the doctors had said they are 85% sure it can be dealt with through medication... she will get the results on the 2nd biopsy Feb 3rd insha'allah, so I will be able to know more then, for the time being Im relieved that shes ok and pray that it will stay that way.

Ive just booked my tickets to go down to London for a week too... I need to get away from here, from the north, from my family and from this house... granted London probably isnt the best place to go but my girl Ines wants me down ;) honestly!! thats what she said :D so we are 'planning' things to do.. and I use the term loosely as I wouldnt dare suggest that she organises things hehee..

Thats enough from me for the evening.
Peace and salams, Ammena