The Niqab

I moved back to UK November 2008, Ive been looking for a job ever since. Ive spent a month in London where I was 'in' the muslim community unlike while Im up north staying with my family. Down south I went to a few muslim events, namely the Eid event in Ruislip which was such fun masha'allah.

Anyways, to not digress, one thing I have noticed about the muslimahs over here is the girls who wear niqab for the big free mixing events that go on in the community. Now Im not saying this is a bad thing, Im not judging and Im definately not debating whether niqab is fard. All Im noticing is that in Canada girls didnt wear it as much at events for 'feeling the eyes' and also Im gonna tell you that this is from girls that I was able talk to about their wearing of those few layers of cloth.

I wonder why that is.. why do girls in Toronto feel safer for showing their faces at Islamic events than in London. Interesting.. I dont know whether its a figure thing.. like I only notice it more here because there is a smaller group of girls.

Thoughts anyone?

are you an adult?

Subhanallah, I just signed up for the petition to impose an arms ban on Israel. After following the link and submitting my signature I decided to check the signatures as someone had mentioned that they recognised a few signatures. While having a look through the signatures I got a little frustrated by some of the names I found on there. Dont people realise that putting stupid and non names dont make things better? (Im not too sure about forenames only, but it isnt hard to write a surname) They arent classed as signatures and only makes the community look stupid! Also, is there a point of writing Dr? what are you trying to tell us? ;) and how about Mr X? does it matter? really.... come on. Just take a look at some of these:

• Mohammed
• J
• saz1292
• am British and I want to
• Bomb Israel
• RuKu

I am pleased how ever to see the amount of 'muslim' (muslim sounding, I obviously cant speak that they are muslim without knowing them) names on the petition, but also the amount of non-asian sounding names on the petition masha'allah. Shows this isnt just a muslim thing.. this is a world wide thing!!! Insha'allah something will come about from it, the petition closes Jan 27th, so those of you in UK who havent signed it yet... GET SIGNING!!!

New years eve

New years eve was always a big night for me... I never totally enjoyed it, but it was a time to get with friends, even if they did leave me and I saw the new years in on my own. I always ended up in a mood at the end of the evening on the way home and would just sleep when I got home, then we never did anything magical on the day but I was so bored because there were no shops open and never anything on tv! When I became muslim the new years party was one of the first things I was glad to say goodbye to alhamdulillah. My mum makes big deals of new years eve, but since moving to Canada where they arent as big as they are in UK she just goes to friends. However being on the same time zone it was one night that I always had to talk to her after 12am :( Last year she was in UK so I spoke to her the next day, I sort of expected her to demand I phone her at 12am my time... but I told her I would speak to her new years day. Anyways, that all went well alhamdulillah.. but that isnt what I came to blog about.

So yesterday I drove over to Bradford the drive was so nice... very familiar, both the scenery and the route. The scenery because it reminded me of the drives in Canada which is nice in 2 ways 1 just because it reminds me of the drives in Canada and 2 because it reminds me that I was wrong about the scenery in England being nothing like that in Canada ~ does that make sense? I prayed asr at the masjid across from my uni, drove to the islamic shop that me and dee used to frequent.. it was weird walking around without her... I bought an abaya, some pins, some attar, 2 books and some hijabs.. four for a tenner ladies if youre ever in Bradford I can give you directions insha'allah. Then I made my way back through Bradford and over to Huddersfield, spent a few hours with my girl dee and her kids until it was time to go to Jules.. we were supposed to be there spot on 6pm, obviously dee being who she is we turned up teeny bit late ;) It was a good night.. I got to spend time with my 2 girls, Im just gutted I didnt take more pictures while I was there.. we got dressed up in girlie clothes and had some lovely food... and scrummy cakes & crumpets :D hehee.. but it was good to just sit and chill with them cause its been awhile and I miss them both tons.

Today before I left we even went to check out Dees new house.. its a nice size masha'allah but I didnt realise how much the council DONT give you!! subhanallah... insha'allah things will work out for her and her kats cause I love em all and know that they only deserve the best.

Well its time for bed now :) insha'allah Ill be back soon. Im trying to think of a new story for my other blog.. it needs an update so throw any ideas my way insha'allah.
Peace and salams, Ammena

East London

So yesterday I hooked up with ummhabibati and some of her funky crew masha'allah. So here are some pics. We had tons of fun.. then went back for yummy aero hot choc and talked for hours :D it was cool... and good to finally meet her after so long masha'allah. So heres what the pics are

1 & 2. some buildings around canary wharf 3. me & the sister 4. shop window 5. sign to prayer room :) masha'allah 6. ladies taxi hehee 7. River thames

Ooh, pics from weekend

I forgot to post about the fab time I had with 2 friends on the weekend
1. we found the nicest vegetarian restaurant opposite from the mosque and underneath the buddist centre in Manchester, highly recommended! 2. my hot apple and cinnamon, not quite 2nd cup but nice all the same :D 3. the inside of the mosque from the womens section, you can just see the lovely moroccan screen partition to the left 4. interesting sign I thought ms eyeS might get a crack from 5. the arndale centre 6. Im guessing manchesters answer to the london eye.. pitiful for nice next to the buildings :) masha'allah

Relationships

.. funny things they are. Personally mine have always been weird, now I dont know if thats because of me, or the people I choose to have relationships with. Ever since I was a little girl, I remember I made a good friend at the end of primary school (around aged 10) who I used to play with after school (although I should have been at the mums of someone else I went to school with who my mum paid to look after me, but I hated them) we used to climb trees and generally get in trouble. We were good friends and I enjoyed all that, then we moved :( I was at school with my cousin, knew noone in a strange town where people made fun of my accent and I had no friends. I sort of made friends with the girls that my cousin knew, and it gradually progressed from there, although saying that I could count the number of times Ive been in touch with each of these girls on one hand. I made a good friend the end of my senior years (aged 16) who I still class as one of my very good friends today.
I feel that every friendship I have made Ive been forced into, after leaving Liverpool I knew noone at the new place, so I had to make friends. When I moved to uni I was living in halls so I had to make friends, I dont have a single friend that I purely met out of similarities or interests. Or do I? I dont know :( I dont really have anyone I would call my best friend. Although I have very close friends, I dont think they would think of me that way either, sometimes I wonder if its because I have this vision of what a best friend is and I have none of that. Like I dont live around the corner from any of my good friends, I dont share boy troubles or daily doings with my close friends. Is that just because of my age? Sometimes I feel so lonely about the whole thing because I have noone I can especially talk to about things. I could talk to certain people about certain things, but not everything. Maybe thats just because of how I live my life :( Maybe when Im fully outed from the closet then I will be able to fully 100% truthful with my friends.
Oh I dont know.... huff

cute

My friends little boy breakdancing at IslamExpo 08 masha'allah hes so talented.. I remember when he first started breakdancing, soo adorable :D

Sunday

Woohoo, insha'allah this weekend one of my best friends is coming to see me from Michigan :D yay.... Im soo looking forward to it, she only phoned me to tell me yesterday. Alhamdulillah

From tuesday

Assalamalikum sisters,

ok.. so its the tuesday of my last week at home, my 2 weeks are drawing to a close and i still have so many things to do, so many people to see.. So what did we do.. u know Ive been thinking about this since i last wrote and u know what? I cant remember what we did... lemme think. Hang on!

Ok, so what i do remember.. man was it really that long ago?? So i phone him to tell him im on my way over, he tells me that they are in the same coffee shop we went to the first day he came up. So i drive down and im thinking... hmm where can i park? I remember there were cars parked on both sides of the road, so i figure insha'allah there will be a space and then u just pay for the time youre there... I phone him and he tells me theres a space outside and that he is goin to keep an eye on it, also that they are in the coffee shop next door.. ok, so i get there and he comes out alhamdulillah the space is still there. There are single yellow lines there and i go are you sure i can park there. Dunno why i was askin him, the guy lives in London! Without a car! So i park up and say ill ask the person who owns the cafe shop. He orders my drink and i walk up to ask the person, im facing the window to point out to my car and ask the girl if its ok if i park there, then i just hear this shocked *my name* (lol) im like... ooooh poo, whos this. I turn around to see the middle daughter of the kids of my mums best mate from school. I didnt know what to do.. she comes round and hugs me, now this isnt the first time i saw her since i got back so i think it was more of a wow a different person hug. Shes like.. wow.. u look funky man.. *shock* I was like.. thanks, I was wearing my jeans, the blue shukr top i posted awhile back and the sky blue scarf that bro A had bought me. I thought i looked pretty cool but didnt think ppl on the street would do. When i was talking to her it felt so nice, that i wasnt hiding anything while talking to someone i had known since she was born.. alhamdulillah. So we sat down for our drinks, while havin a minor heart attack.. Those 2 just carried on talking, while i talked to myself. She brings our drinks over, and i pull her down.. say listen please dont tell anyone about this, just that my mum doesnt know yet, shes like.. yeh sure!!! no probs... then i hear this older woman calling my name.. she goes, its me ruth i went to school with ur mum & the girls mum... i recognised the voice i just couldnt picture the face and i was all flustered from it all, Im going.. erm.. no sorry... then i pull my friend over later on, shes like.. ruth keeps me busy, sorry i cant chat.. i ask her again not to say anything and ask her to tell ruth too.. alhamdulillah everything was fine there.

Then we left..... ooh ok i remember now... so we left and walked down looking at the shops, i needed to get some pics for my mum so i was looking at that and other bits... he noticed some jeans he wanted to get at some point. We walked through the town centre and i showed him some of the places and reminded him where we ate the other night. This was the first time id been in the centre, we walked down and he seemed pretty impressed with it all.. i dunno what exactly he was expecting there, london doesnt really have a town centre, just loads of different shopping areas. So we went to the guys workplace, he had to see something, then we got the bus to Cheshire Oaks which took awhile, but was nice to see 'over the water' ie.. Birkenhead.. when i went before my mum would always drive, and its grown so much too. So we hop off the bus say goodbye to the bus driver, and he stops us telling us that the tickets we have dont allow us to go that far... argh!!! that we have to pay extra for it, hes taking to the lads, who are like.. what? ive used this before to come here... so then he looks at me and goes do u speak english.. subhanallah.. when he had just talked to the lads in, well as far as i heard, english.. i just went, yeh.. and when he told me, i tell them we have to pay! so we pay and get on our way. Start at one end, seen some nice tshirts for him.. he tried them on, lol.. i felt like a right mother, he tried one on but it was way too tight i didnt want him walking around with it on so i told him to get the other size... is that bad?? *blush* so we walked more looking for some nice shoes.. we were there for a good few hours and didnt even realise. I got a really nice knitted roll neck jumper from Next clearance for 5pounds.. just 5pounds.. NO TAX!! and a long cord skirt.. masha'allah they are nice..

Then we took the bus back.. dropped his friend off at home and then we went for food. We parked at the same place we had done before and walked into the town centre. His friend had told us to go to this place called Ask, a nice little italian in the town, it took us awhile to find but was fun. We chatted, and laughed, remembered things.. alhamdulillah it was nice. Eventually we found it, it looked really nice and the menu was really nice.. and the food gorgeous!! So next time anyone is in Liverpool, go find ask!! It was nice.. he really treated me, masha'allah.

We walked back to the car... looking at things as we went.. it was getting pretty chilly by this time, so i was trying to rush him lol.. Then i drove him back to his friends.. and i went home to sleep.. this was a late night, i think i got home around 1130.... i think he was having a good time. he would tell me about his nights, he would be up talking with the guys.. giving dawah masha'allah... insha'allah it worked with them. The next day was going to be his last day in liverpool, his train was leaving at 5ish.

So the next day I pick him up, it was funny.. i was near the place where he was, so i pull out my phone to ring him and i notice a guy walking across the road with a suitcase.. lol, it was him.... So he puts the case in and sits down... then we drive into the city... about 5 mins away. we park in the multi storey then realise we dont have the change.. as always, so he goes to buy chocolate, ok. u guessed it, he asked if i wanted anything in particular hee hee...

so anyways, we walked into the town.. he wanted to get those jeans so we went to the shop.. and upstairs, there was one lady up there and us two. He was looking at the jeans, looking at me for opinions... so he took a few pairs to try on, so i got chatting with the women who seemed really nice. So after he had shown us 2 pairs we got onto the obvious subject 'so youre a muslim' 'yes i am' 'so can i ask how it started' so i gave her a brief overview 'what differences did you see between the bible & the quran'... usual things really... she said some really nice things.. the main one was, when she asked if i was muslim she next asked.. so can i ask you what made you convert.. Im so sick of ppl assuming i was born into the religion when im in hijab, things would have been easier, but that wasnt how it was supposed to be alhamdulillah... and it was nice of her to be so open minded that, yes, ppl do actually want to be part of this religion masha'allah. So he ended up with 2 pairs which were nice.. and he was happy with the prices, which are prob soo cheap compared to london prices.

Then we went shopping for my shoes hee hee.. i went to ravels, its an italian shoe store, i have slim feet like most european ppl.. so these shoes fit better, but they didnt have any boots.. they all have clicky heels and pointy fronts.. so we went Schuh shoestore he bought me a pair of knee length brown flat boots and some black trainer kickers, i love them both to pieces alhamdulillah. So we went back to the car to drop the stuff off, well my stuff and picked his bags up, then headed over to the train station. We got some sandwiches and sat there waiting for the train, chatted a little... i was gonna miss him and now i realise how much.

I walked over with him to the platform and we said our goodbyes and he got on the train... then i went home....next installment to follow.

Next bit

Assalamalikum everyone... ok, so its been awhile, Im sorry.. I just ordered some clothes from the sale on Shukr.. theres a denim jumper (as in dress thingy to those who jumper means something else) that ive had my eye on for ages.. alhamdulilah its finally in the sales. So i got it sent over to dee, cause i was talking to her at the time, wahey!! so cant wait for that.

So where was I?? oh yeh... it was sunday... bro A had turned up.. after visiting my grandparents I drove to st. helens to get the train to liverpool lime street. of course the train wasnt on so I would have to take the bus.. which wasnt due for ages and would take ages to get there.. So i decided to drive there, Ive never driven in liverpool city centre, alhamdulillah i got my practise out of these few days and i was pretty confident with it after that. Anyways, I was driving in, thinking.. ooh where am i going?? I phoned him and told him what i was doing, then decided to follow the signs to the train station as the hotel he was staying in was around the corner. As i was following the signs, I was noticing the changes (this was the first time I had been back since arriving in UK) and realising I knew what I was going past, just never knew that it would lead me to the train station. Isnt it funny when you never connect roads together... I was always doing that in Bradford. So i eventually get there, and i phone him.. tell him Im at the train station and to come meet me, then I could drive back to his hotel and then we could go eat. So he was like.. ok, Im in the train station.. so i told him to look at certain shops and tried to direct him from there... I think he was taken back that I knew exactly what he was looking at, I know it scares me when people do that to me. So i go.. see the glass doors, then i see him walking down talking into his phone but he still doesnt see me.. alhamdulilah he hasnt changed a bit. Hes like.. where are u?? lol.. then he sees me and i see a big grin on his face masha'allah.. so i drive around to his hotel.. we find a car park.. 5 pounds for the whole day.. I was soo shocked.. but anyways. So we parked up and then he handed me some presents.. masha'allah, hes so adorable.. He had picked me up somethings for a friend in Canada, she wanted some London sovernirs. For me, he got loads.. and i was soo surprised, in a good way of course. He bought me a salwaar kameez (+hijab) 4 shaylas (and i luv em all) cds, books, taped lectures, masha'allah.. there was a book of the prophets which ive started reading masha'allah.. its amazing.

Then we went out for food.. Italian.. it was nice.. we chatted, he showed me some things he had told me about over the phone.. So that was nice, it was nice to be in company and i felt soo at ease with him. I thought I would be really nervous, but alhamdulillah everything was like I had never been away.. although its been nearly 2 yrs.. I last saw him at my graduation july 2004.

So we prayed maghrib, it was nice praying with him.. I thought i wouldnt be able to concentrate but alhamdulillah i found myself concentrating more.. I can totally see why sisters say praying with your husband is very important.. tell me sisters... the man is supposed to pray jummah yeh? so is praying with his wife classed as jummah?? Just a question ive been mulling over for awhile. Anyways, it was getting late by this time so he walked me to my car and i left for my aunties house. I was staying there cause it was closer to Liverpool and there was noone there, my auntie moved to africa a few weeks before I left. I slept that night.. although I was up early the next morning.

Why was I up early the next morning? What did I do?? Hmm.. I cant really remember, I think I went round to my cousins to say hello, she lives down the road from her mum (the aunties house i was staying at) I got round to see bro A at about 11ish I think it was, he was checking out of the hotel cause there was a friend of a friend from London who he had been put in contact with who lives in Liverpool.. and he said he wasnt impressed with the hotel. Alhamdulilah there was something else there.. so he was tryin to get in touch with this guy to sort his stuff out. He was supposed to be coming to the train station to meet him and we were gonna sort it out from then. I had intended on taking bro A to manchester that day (Monday) but it seems like we might be stayin in Liverpool cause we couldnt get in touch with this guy. I prayed outside by my car while I went back to pick up something, which was nice.. to be outdoors... Then the guy phones him and tells us to meet him in the station, so we walk over and wait for him, he turns up.. seemed a nice guy.. it was funny they were all chatty chatty and didnt think as to where they were going, so i was confused.. where they were going, the only way you could get out was on a train.. then his friend realised and we turned around.. i held a little giggle in (being the child i am) and we went for coffee... I had worn my scarf today and i felt so proud, even if i was runnin to catch up. I was determined to not walk behind, like the oppressed muslimah.. but man.. they walked too fast.. both of them are like 6ft.. im only 5'4" so its a pretty big difference.. Alhamdulillah we got to the coffee place and had coffee (well i had hot choc cause i dont like coffee or tea.. yeh go on.. Im not a true brit! ) Then we decide that he will take his bag and we will go to manchester, alhamdulilah.. I soo wanted to see the masjid that i had seen the signs for in the middle of the centre when i was last there with my mum.. and of course, check out primark!! Hee hee... We got there and wandered around for a little.. ate some pizza... found some nice trainers in foot locker.. looked for some work shoes for him... and general stuff.. I kept pointing out all the hijabis walking around the city centre hee hee.. u just have to dont yeh! Then we went to find the masjid for Asr.. we eventually found it after asking a brother, he was really pleased to be asked. bro A was like.. assalamalikum brother, could you tell us where the mosque is here? he was like, erm.... well, i think its that way, how did you get this far? we told him we followed the signs from the centre and he was like.. Ive been told its just down there and to the left.. with a big grin on his face like he was proud to have been noticed as muslim. Alhamdulillah, then we had a big conversation about where bro A was from cause he noticed the accent.. so that was nice, cause now he was happy to have been noticed as being different without being frowned upon. So we found the masjid eventually and prayed.. there was a nice little sister area, i prayed sunnah then asr.. but then the imam called the prayer.. I was really confused, the time on the prayer sheet for there said it had already been... my prayer timetable gave a different day but then they were praying at a competely different time. Alhamdulillah, it was nice cause i got to pray more times

After that we went for coffee.. and chatted more.. it was just nice to be there, to be able to tell him things and see his expression rather than guess what face he was pulling. We went to Primark.. i bought 2 skirts for 4pounds each masha'allah.. They are soo stretchy and long masha'allah, i tried one on but cause i loved it i just had to get the other colour (brown & black) Then i went to find him in TKMaxx..another cool shop. The time seemed to fly by cause soon it was time to eat, we had walked past a lebanese place on the way to the masjid so we headed back there... when we sat down, we realised it was time for maghrib so we explained to the guy, he was cool about it. So we left to walk down, but it was shut we didnt know what to do.. I told him things would work out.. we thought we would eat then sort it out, he asked the guy at the restaurant if there was somewhere at the back we could pray, he told us the room was being renovated and was dirty and dusty. Alhamdulillah it was sorted.. hee hee, we prayed outside the toilet on the landing alhamdulillah. So that was fine.

Then we headed back.. was pretty late by then, we hadnt even realised the time it was so not important.. its nice when times are like that, when you dont have to worry about being back at a certain time alhamdulillah. When we got back to liverpool, we picked up his friend and I drove them back to his place. I realised he lived down the road from where I used to live in Liverpool which was cool. So then i went home to bed.. and slept!!

Next bit

Assalamalikum everyone,

insha'allah this blog finds you all in the best of health and iman.. well as you can tell from the previous post, I finished the stitching I mentioned wahey!! So insha'allah ill get that sent off the sister sometime soon. Insha'allah she will like it.

Ok, so where was I??? Oh i was coming back from Bradford and I went to my friends house from school. Yeh, so i decided to go straight there.. it was weird, taking the usual routes that I took on my way home from school and things hadnt changed there either... what is it with little towns?? they never change.. man.. its sooo boring!! I drive up to her house and start getting my clothes out the car.. rummaging around all the other bits I bought over the past few days As im pulling my bag out, a car pulls up next to me and one of the girls steps out.. she hasnt changed, actually i shouldnt say that.. I was soo annoyed at ppl telling me I hadnt changed, what did you expect?? So we chat, the usual how are u? hows the trip been? blah blah blah.. then we get to the front door and ring the bell. I walked in and was disappointed to see my friends boyfriend sat there... 'oh, hes having food with us then going out' she tells me after awhile... just thought that she would have made the effort for it to be only the girls.. u know!? Anyways.. we order chinese.. it was actually yummy.. chinese here just doesnt seem the same as in UK dunno why. Anyways.. we eat, catch up on the soaps... they made me watch eastenders!! & emmerdale farm!! Man.. I was ready for slitting my throat (expression for those who take offense) We were going to get a film... instead they decided they wanted to play video games, there was one that was basically a big knowledge quiz, I did pretty well on this and there was even a section that slowly reveals a picture and you have to buzz what the pic is.. guess what one was.. the blue mosque, masha'allah and it was a really good pic too. So in the end one of my friends wanted a lift to where she was meeting someone, so i offered to give her a lift. I didnt want her walking around on her own (this was about 11pm) and i was the only one who was driving. She got in the car and asked how i was.. i was like.. erm.. fine.. then she was twittering on about something and mentioned she seen one of the lads that we went to school with. Now the only thing i really remember about this guy was that he used to take to his sandwiches at dinner time.. he was a little strange. Anyways, she told me that he was like... what dya mean shes a muslim ; well shes become a muslim ; but why ; so then i realised why she was askin me if i was ok, then she asked me again... I told her fine, that I had done this for me, noone else so it wasnt changing.. Alhamdulillah she was fine with that and said, well at least youve done it for yourself... she was good about it alhamdulillah. Then i let her out and drove back. A while after i got back, some one elses boyfriend turned up and i started to feel really self conscience then.. I never really liked this guy, he isnt good enough for her as far as i see and he kept talking about my cousin.. I dont know if he knows shes my cousin (shes black) and i was really uncomfortable with how he wasnt really acknowledging the fact... its hard to explain really. Eventually they all left at about 230am and i was sooo ready for bed... So i slept till fajr, then went back to sleep and slept til about 9 i think. Got dressed and after saying goodbyes and stuff left for my grandparents.

When i got back to my grandparents there was noone there, so i thought they had just gone out... it was about 10am, you know older ppl.. they wake up really early. The alarms were on, so i knew they werent just somewhere else in the house. Then i walked through the double doors and found a note on the table, my heart dropped.. as i read it, i was told that both my grandparents had been taken into hospital the morning before... I felt soo bad at that point.. I had only gotten my simcard in Bradford so noone had my phone number. Immediately i phoned my auntie and she filled me in on what happened... the main point is, they were both in hospital but alhamdulillah they were ok and in the best possible place for them. Man.. it was a busy week after that. I had to fit all my schedule around visiting them in the hospital and making sure they were ok... alhamdulillah everything worked.

So Saturday afternoon, I drove down to my dads and we went to watch the football match Everton vs Sunderland... it was the day before my dads 50th so sort of doubled it up as a bday present for him. I know he hasnt really been to many games since he left my mum, cause ive never heard him mention anything about it. Ive been going reguarly since i was 16, so i really miss them being over here and i couldnt go home and not see the boys play It was a good afternoon, at first i was pretty nervous, I cant remember the last time that i spent that amount of time time with just the 2 of us... but alhamdulillah it went fine... we had fun, we went to the football shop bought some bits... got food.. yummy chips & curry, it was gorgeous!! The match wasnt too good... we drew 2-2 but the goals we scored we didnt really deserve.. the ball just got lost in a group of guys in front of the goal and it just so happened someone kicked the ball hard and it went in the right direction. And since then.. they seem to have gone downhill.. check out the site if you want, just please dont laugh Everton FC Ok... so then we go back to my dads, and sit around for abit.. then he leaves to go to see my grandparents in hospital.. I had speaken to them, but i had already planned something else.. that makes me sound really bad doesnt it!? My feelings were so much stronger about it at the time.. but thinking about it now Alhamdulillah they are both ok now.. so thats the main thing, and i did see them more.

After my dads, I went for a meal with my auntie and uncle.. I had been to see my auntie on tuesday I just cant remember if i told you that she had arranged to go out for food with me to surprise her husband.. hee hee.. it was fun surprising him and he was totally shocked. Actually he said he looked at me waiting and thought it looked like me, then excused the thought.. hee hee... i was there!! So was a fun night, we ate, talked, then we went back to theirs which is over the road from the restaurant... Went to bed finally about 12am... man.. i was happy to come back to canada to rest!! Alhamdulilah i wasnt affected with jet lag either way.

I woke up around 10ish and got ready... had a quick drink and was on my way back to my grandparents... ok, so this was the day i had been looking forward to (Sunday) My habibi was coming to visit liverpool from london and i couldnt wait. But before then, I told him about my grandparents and he was fine with me being late to get him... I did other things that day im sure of it... lemme think, I left auntie at about 11ish... oh yes i remember... it was my dads bday so i popped into his... he had some food bits on the table and they had done some veggie stuff for me, we talked and stuff then me and my dad went to visit my grand parents in hospital. my nana looked ill.. she was having breathing difficulties, but my grandad was sat next to her, tormenting as usual.. We stayed until about 5ish when waiting time had finished.. listen to this.. visiting hours 3-5 & 7-8 how ridiculous!! Anyways, I got back to my dads, stayed for about 30 mins then left to pick up my hanouni... he had never been to liverpool before so it was new to him. I couldnt wait to take him round and show him my city!! insha'allah he will show me his city in the future.

Anyways, its 6pm now.. i think thats enough for tonight. I think my net is sorted now, so insha'allah ill write some more soon. Fi amenallah

Part II

Assalamalikum everyone.. ok, so i got some time and thought i would update..so we all went out for food, we chatted and generally had a really good night. I felt so grown up Then we dropped dee and zaz off, stayed at dees for awhile chatting about how things had all come together general chat actually but it was so nice to have general chat with sisters, rather than well you know.. non-sisters. Was nice... we drank mango rubicon too, well I did. Then me, jules & little ali left for their house... i wanted to stay up later to chat with jules but we were both soo knackered that we sort of just fell into a bed and slept, after i gave jules the clothes i had bought over for the little 'un. I woke up in the morning, half expecting everyone to be awake.. Ali was awake so i took him out his cot and brought him into the bedroom.. we played with his toys and i read him a story.. hes such a cute kid masha'allah. Then i took him downstairs and he woke jules up that was fun hee hee.. We had breakfast, showered, chatted.. then before we knew it it was half an hour before dhuhr and we were supposed to be going for jummah (its friday if you arent keeping up with dates) so we phoned dee to find out where she was and arranged how things would be. We got there.. actually quite awhile before the khutbah even alhamdulilah. we sat with the kids in the big room and they started playing around, I think Julia and the other sister there felt bad about the noise so we went to the room for non-praying sisters and kids cause they wouldnt disturb everyone as much. So then a noise came over the speakers, the adhan... then he started talking in arabic.. i was slightly confused until i realised he was giving the khutbah.. so we listened to that.. it was good masha'allah but for the life of me now i couldnt tell you what it was about... Dee turned up eventually in her new jilbab which was really nice masha'allah. then we prayed together, dee looked after the kids, cause shes cute like that . It was nice to be there together doing it. I was travelling so i prayed dhuhr and asr together. Then we left and chatted outside about next plans... we went into the town centre for coffee and food at the same place we went to the day before. Then 2 more sisters turned up... so there were 5 white hijabis and another sisters... and 3 babies... alhamdulillah it was good... we even got a few smiles from older couples which is always nice.

Then I realised it was time for me to get going cause i was meeting some school friends back at home. It would take me about 1hr to get back to leeds and to my car if the trains were decent. So we make our way to the train station, I get my ticket and see that the next train leaves in 4 mins.. not really want i wanted but alhamdulillah. So i tell the 2 sisters i just met salams and to keep in touch insha'allah.. now dee hugged me (from the previous blog u will see why i told you how she was when we first met) She hugged me really tightly like she wasnt going to let me go, then i could feel her sobbing... you know when you try and suck it back in and your whole body shakes.. thats what she was like, it totally caught me off guard.. I was like.. dee dont start crying please... then i heard her let it out, well that started me off then.. subhanallah.. we were in the train station surrounded by 3 other hijabis, 2 babies and everyone else in the station.. clingin to each other like our life depended on it. At that point i wanted to say ok.. im staying and i aint going back to canada. At that point, I realised where my heart is and where my true family is... At that point, I cried for my deen, for my sisters and for anyone else who gives up things that they love and know they will miss for the sake of others... Alhamdulillah. Then i eventually left dee and tried to wipe my eyes before saying good bye to jules.. mumbling an apology about my wet eyes.. then i kissed the babies and walked off without looking back. I couldnt, I knew if i did id be in floods again, although i do wander how dee was when i left her and what the girls said to her, if anything. I stood on the platform silently sobbing to hear that my train was delayed... by 15 mins.. i could have screamed. Alhamdulilah.

Ok..so to cut no news out.. i eventually was on my way home and i knew i was cutting it short for trying to get back to my grandparents to say hello, to pray and to go back to see my school mates. My grandparents had got back from their holiday that day so i wanted to at least say hello but i couldnt reach em. In the end i decided to go straight to my friends, I was passin the roundabout near hers at 630pm and i was due there at 7pm.. it would take me 30 mins to get to my grandparents.. so it was easier to go there..

So.. i think ill leave it there for tonight.. Im trying to finish a stitching for a sister back home, that was supposed to be finished when i was over there.. the gold thread im working with is soo fiddly so im changing it to a normal thread. Insha'allah it will be finished soon and ill post a pic.

Im back!! Did you miss me??

Assalamalikum everyone..ok so my internet has been down for a few days while the owners of my house sorted out their new flooring. Alhamdulillah im back, so some things about my life before I start on the next part of my diary. I burnt myself yesterday at work.. now for those that did chemistry or any lab work know how HNO3 is with the skin... so yesterday i threw some in a tube in the bin at work.. then i was carrying on with my work and trying to clean up before leaving for the weekend. So im shaking this column and the stopclock breaks off at the neck and falls into the bin. I delve in without even thinking and feel a wetness on my hands.. before i know it its burning like mad then i realise i had just thrown the nitric acid in there... argh!! i pull my fingers out fast and splash it over my face alhamdulillah i was wearing my glasses. I run to the tap to get cold water on my fingers when the splashes on my face start to burn.. what am i thinking?? Alhamdulillah i do wear my safety glasses properly. I go to the bathroom to see the damage, at that point i had 3 white dots on my face from where it was starting to blister, just left of my nose, on my left cheek close to the earlobe and just over my right eye alhamdulilah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. At that point i thanked Allah (swt) with my whole heart for allowing me to come out of the experience better than it could have been... just like when i flipped my car over and came out without a scratch.. the most merciful. Alhamdulillah.

So now to my diary.. where was i??? oh yes the bradford trip. Ok so I wake up in the morning, having packed my stuff for the next few days the night before. I remember taking another trip to Asda, although for what i cant remember.. I did buy some shloer (yummy!) and chocolate for the girlie nights ahead. I phoned up my old department at university* and asked them if it was possible they could fix me up with a visitors pass for the day (cheeky me!) they know me well.. having dealt with my ups and downs for 4 years, and i miss em all especially certain lecturers who really touched my heart, may Allah (swt) reward them by showing them the true path. So that was sorted.. I actually left a lot later than previously intended which made me late and i wasnt allowed to do some things that i wanted to. I got there about 230 ish.. picked up the pass and parked. Realised i had forgotten my address book i started having a flush.. how was i going to get in touch with anyone? i didnt have their numbers and didnt know where i was going or when to be there... poo!! anyways, I made my way down to where i had intended to meet some friends from uni at the love apple* I loved this place when i first realised it was there... it sells the nicest veggie chili with a massive jacket potato and i had been craving it for awhile. So i see the girls, one of em had a little boy when i left, hamza, and she is due sometime this summer again masha'allah.. shes so adorable, I love her to pieces.. my little Sadia and constant bump So we chatted, catched up, ate.. I was told, for the fiftieth millionth time, that i hadnt changed... ppl what really did you expect?? strange ppl!! then sadia had to leave for a work meeting.. so me and the other girl went for some shopping in the city center.. I bought some long socks (couldnt find any toe socks) and i bought a sim card for my mobile... so now i had connection alhamdulillah, but still no numbers. Then we walked back up and i wanted to pop in to see our old department.. of course it wasnt that easy. They had moved to a new building and it wasnt easy to get in there So in the end.. i just left to go to Leeds... to visit a very good sister of mine.. she was with me at Leeds Grand mosque* when i said shahada and i love her to pieces & miss her loads too. Anyways, enough of that... so i thought it was gonna be hard finding her place.. I had downloaded directions from the aa website.. and i knew the main roads werent the issue.. it was all the little backroads that i wasnt used to anymore (not many here in canada) alhamdulillah i eventually got there... it was soo good to see her masha'allah.. and we fell back to how things were when i left. We chatted, eat, drank the shloer.. she told me about her life at the mo, her little lad.. masha'allah hes amazing.. he can break dance, spin on his head, knows some quran and has the cutest accent.. all at 3-4 yrs old... i remember when i left he wasnt talking that much, but now masha'allah he just chatted away like a little old woman. Calling me auntie which was soo nice to hear.. So her friend came around.. and a mutual friend too so was good to see her, she had been holding some things for me at her house and brought it all over... i gave some books away cause there is nowhere for me to keep them.. also there were loads of hijabs and a free abaya that i got thats too big for me. Insha'allah ill have it taken up, but its ok for salah for now. Ive just realised... she got married last wk and is moving down south.. agh.. she still has my things.. insha'allah they dont get broke in the move.. Im happy for her though, alhamdulillah she deserves it. I did manage to remember a sisters number of where i was staying the next night so i phoned her up to find out the details alhamdulillah.

So after the other 2 girls left we stayed up chatting till 3 in the morning.. and we didnt even realise.. So i prayed and we went to sleep.. was up at 10 the next morning.. and we had breakfast, well i had tea... for those of you who dont know me that well, i cant eat breakfast makes me sick. So her little boy asks me.. will you play with me while im in the bath cause im a little upset that you are leaving today.. subhanallah i could have cried.. this little lad was so used to me when i was in Bradford.. and i dont know whether he is like this with everyone but it was like i hadnt been away. Hes so adorable masha'allah. We took him to nursery, I drove them around, then we came back.. I packed up my stuff put it in my car and and left to go for some shopping in Leeds... I went to the george shop in leeds... picked up a few bits, then next* where i had to wait outside when the fire alarm went off after eventually finding some of the items my mum wanted.. got them.. and took a little wander, bought some new shoes. it was nice to see the city again, I spent alot of time there after i had exams, when i needed a release from bradford, when i needed major retail therapy... and the place is nice, its a university city too so theres lots of students there aswell. So when i had finished there I made my way back to where i had stayed the night before to get my bags for my trip to huddersfield.

So i arrived in huddersfield about 2ish i think it was... I was constantly phoning the sis I was meeting.. wonder if this was annoying her. I was like.. ok, so im here, ill be there at this time, where will you be? where are you? I was just soo excited to see her. While I was on the train going over I remember thinking about the first time I met her, like many longtime mates i have in UK I met her through islamway sisters website.. i dont go there much now cause i found there was a lot of unneccessary stress from being in the forum. Alhamdulilah from what i see now, its alot better but i dont really go on many forums now unless its for info. Anyways, when i first met her through this site it was because like me she was a new muslim and she was close to where i was at university.. so we chatted for awhile, then it came up that there was a islamic lecture near where she lived so we decided to meet up and check it out. So i turned up in Huddersfield town centre, never having been there before so i was pretty nervous. When she eventually turned up, this was to be a trait of dees personality love you loads sis!! she was with her younger sister and they looked soo cute, i went to hug her but she was a bit off.. i put it down to the fact that we had only just met... i came to realise that it ran a little deeper than this and she was one of those non huggy ppl.. insha'allah she doesnt get offended by this, but there is a reason for me writing it So from there things got better we would get together often.. sometimes they would come to bradford and we would check out the islamic stores, the arab food shops and the asian clothing stores.. we had so much fun and there are many things she helped me with. may Allah (swt) reward her for her deeds. I spent my first eid with her and some friends and have many fond memories of the things we did even the stupid pointless things.. She is married to an Algerian.. so that was useful knowing how things were with that to relate them to my own experience with my 'other half' Anyways... so when i got to the train station i phoned her and told her i was there... walked outside to find her... saw her straight away fiddling with the wind cover over the babies pram.. i waved, and somehow forgot she now has responsibilities, I half expected her to run over to me... then i told myself.. erm.. Ammena, she has a child to think of, may Allah (swt) forgive me for that. so i walked over and she gave me a massive hug. We walked through the town on our way to the coffee shop where we were meeting her friends, who apparently have heard soo much about me!! Then out of nowhere she hugged me and told me she had missed me so much, which warmed my heart... it was nice to hear that ppl do miss me, cause even though i chat with them on MSN it isnt really the same, as im sure most of you know. We had coffee, I gave her the clothes i had bought over for her little one.. all pink!! and i took her little one on a trip around the shops near the coffee place. It was nice to be walking around with a baby and i realised then just how much i wanted one of my own insha'allah soon, it was also nice that dee was totally ok with me taking her away and didnt come looking for us. It was nice to feel trusted if you get me. So blah blah.. she bought a new pram.. but dont tell her hubbie hee hee.. then we went back to hers to get ourselves ready for the evening. We were meeting up with another close sister of mine.. I met her through islamic penpals* and introduced her to dee cause they lived in the same city and they were both new muslims... masha'allah they have become good friends.. which i have become a little jealous of while i am over here. I miss being part of a close group of friends.. and they both have little children not that much difference in age so they have learnt from each other with many things alhamdulillah. So we chilled for awhile.. I drank mango rubicon (im obsessed if you didnt know!) we got changed and discussed how things have changed and how things havent.. it was nice to just chat and play with her little one masha'allah... shes such a girl!!

Then we eventually left for the evening.. although we still didnt know where we were going. We ended up outside somewhere but it was packed so we were looking around and thinking... well they were, i dont know hudds... we ended up in an irianian restaurant (i think) and bought loads of little dishes.. masha'allah it was really nice... we had the 2 kids with us and another of their friends joined us and dees little sister, who converted last year masha'allah. It was a good night, we all talked and the other sister was asking about canada and telling me what she had heard about me. It was good to finally meet julia (the sister from the penpals site) we always talk on the phone and dee had mentioned that we would have no problems getting along cause she saw us as very similar in most aspects of our personality.. alhamdulillah we had no problems getting along. I remember when i first saw her, she looked so professional in the clothes she was wearing.. apparently she is always looking very classy, which i like... shows how muslims dont just disappear away from everything, that we can stll exist and be part of society.

Ive just seen how much ive written and think i will do this in a 2 part series.... just so you dont all get too bored..cause i wouldnt want that now would i?! So insha'allah ill write more tomorrow to finish this section of my trip.. and let you know how much fun i had with my sisters.

Next installment

assalamalikum everyone, ok so im back.. hee hee... where was i up to, oh Monday...

So i woke up early Monday went to pick up my car, funnily enough the same car as i drive here, only newer, this is 2005 mine here is 2002 same concept though, hatchback silver.. i was lovin drivin it though with all the mod cons... volume control next to indicator stick hee hee... anyways.. so i picked the car up...

Then i went to meet up with a friend from school and see her little lad.. hes 2 masha'allah and such a darling. I bought some clothes over for him, so I met her at the asda.. cause i always get lost going to her house then we decided to go for food... (after me buying a few pairs of very cool flipflops from Asda, cause u have to, well i do ) So we were walking across the car park and the little lad holds up his hand to grab mine. Apparently i am very priviledged and my friend was really shocked that he did that. She thinks that mayb he feels like he does know me cause she is always talking about me, he knows what clothes i send over for him and he knows its me when i phone.. bless him.. hes so adorable as well. Ok, we eat then think we will go visit her mum cause she always asks how i am.. so we visit her, then decide to pop into our old high school and see who is still teaching there. Now to say that my old school isnt as good as when i was there is an understatement.. the school is in major trouble.. Newton high website there are big metal swinging gates on the way in that you have to buzz to get in. imagine my surprise when i press the buzzer and the gates open.. we were expecting a voice asking why we were there and all the questions. Anyways, we go in see who is still teaching, about 10 from when we left.. erm.. 6 years ago. So we walk straight over to science (im a scientist incase u didnt know) and catch some teachers there.. then plodded around and seen all the teachers that made a mark in my life alhamdulillah... Well wont bore you with the details other than that. So we leave school eventually... then i leave my friend to drop off some presents i have for my cousin (sweets ) hee hee then... I go to see another friend from school.. I generally call her my best mate but thinking about it she isnt really.. there is a group from school 6 of us and we were really close.. until i went to uni, drifted away from there and knew that there was more than that town. U see i moved away from my home city when i was 11 so i hated living where i ended up and couldnt wait to get out. The rest of em?? still there.. settled with jobs, houses, spouses.. alhamdulilah i got out when i did. The first friend i mentioned with the little lad, she was the first person i told about my islam, alhamdulilah she has been very supportive about everything and is always there for me when i need her, and vice versa of course.

Then I left for home from then... this was about 8ish in the evening... when i got in i was sooo tired i couldnt even be bothered to cook, so i had cheese on crackers. hee hee.. I spoke to a few people trying to sort out other arrangements... then i went to bed... totally knackerd as i recall. Woke up early tuesday too... today i decided to try and see some family... so after another outing for some of my mums shopping list.. you should have seen it, i spent 250 pounds of her money. Oh then i went to visit my old next door neighbours.. it was horrible to see that most things havent changed. Oh course, there were more houses around there and a few shops had changed to other things.. but the people they all seemed the same. Anyways.. I visited them, then went into Liverpool to visit my auntie. She opened the door, it took her awhile to realise who i was hee hee.. she works nights so she hadnt been awake long and was expecting some door to door person selling stuff hee hee.. was good to see i cause that reaction. After staying there for a few hours i decided to go and visit an uncle nearby... so i left there, telling her not to say anything incase i didnt get there. Alhamdulilah i got there and it was so nice to see them. I was really close to this uncle when i was a kid cause he lived around the corner from me and i have some good memories from around there... *sigh the good ol' days* I left there house about 7ish and decided to pop in to see my mums best mate from school. She wasnt in, but her husband and 2 of their kids were there.. it was good to chat with them.. see how things were going. Then about 9ish i left after arranging to come by the next week to see the lady of the house and also their eldest daughter who i grew up with, shes 3 months younger than me and has been married to a saudi guy for the last 6 years.

So my next installment is quite a big one... I went to Bradford to see university friends and 2 of my best sisters alhamdulilah... so ill tell you all about that tomorrow insha'allah. I got some bits to do now. Remember to lemme know if you have comments or questions about my travels.

The start of my UK diary

... so i left toronto saturday evening, time actually flew until we were boarding the plane. I had eaten, read some of my book, looked in some of the shops... toronto pearson T3 is rubbish for shops..there is never anything there and all the shops sell the same stuff! So we take off.. usual stuff really, oh after me realising i was sat in the wrong chair by this old couple that just looked at me enough to say shift lady! lol. There was a guy sat next to me, I got the isle seat.. rather have ppl tryin to climb over me than me climbing over ppl.

This guy next to me seemed kinda quiet, we got up in the air and he pulled out a book, now imagine my surprise when i saw he was reading Karen Armstrongs 'Islam, a short history' i was screaming inside to talk to him.. he ordered a drink, some alcoholic drink cant remember. so i just assumed he was looking into it.. then came the do i dont i? should i shouldnt i? so in the end i commented that i noticed the book he was reading. He answered, yeh i often get ppl looking at what im reading... either looking over my shoulder and pretending not to or giving me filthy looks. So i took the time to ask him what he thought, I bought it before i left England but never really got into it.. the words were too small and not enough to interest me im afraid. Mayb ill try again in the future insha'allah. So we had a little discussion, he told me he worked with ppl from different cultures and liked to look into things that they did. He also mentioned he liked to know whether the things they were doing were cultural or religious... so i eventually found out he was originally from Wales and that he was going back to visit his dying sister. Insha'allah he will be guided to the truth he was a really nice man masha'allah.

Ok... fast forward, ive landed and im on my way back to my grandparents house where i will be sort of staying for the next 2 weeks.. I get there unpack a few things, namely the things for the kids i had took over for friends kids and family. I talked to my auntie whos husband had picked me up, caught up on a few families issues and spoke to a friend i havent talked to for a while, she actually thought i was her cousin.. and carried on talking to me until she realised who i was. Watched Coronation st, got up-to-date with that.. here they are like a yr behind... had some food ive been craving since i booked my ticket for going home. Linda McCartney deep pies.. veggie pies yummy.. with soya, carrots, gravy... my mouth is watering just thinking about it.. so i had one of these... with jacket potato and bigga marrowfat peas... yummy... Then i fell asleep infront of the telly for about 40mins.. woke up and stumbled upstairs.. prayed isha then dropped into my bed. So next day.. Monday... well actually, its nearly 10pm, I have to whiten my teeth, read some more of my book and sleep more. Insha'allah more tomorrow... hee hee.. are u all excited??

My reversion story

Salam, so this is an old post off my 360 blog, but Ive decided to write it out for now instead of giving it the date of when I originally posted it. Enjoy
So my story..... you got the time?? It all started when i went to university really.... mayb even before then. I was considering becoming a catholic before I left for uni to give myself a reason for something really. To be honest I cant really remember why i was contemplating it. I remember thinking that cathodicism was a stronger faith than christianity and I needed something stronger. But in the end I didnt and i carried on with my first year at university. So in my second year (2002) I met a guy, a muslim, who said to me once than he really enjoyed my company and that i should seriously think about praying 5 times a day, fasting, giving charity and thinking about things after this life. I remember thinking what does it have to do with him.... then I forgot about it. Although I couldnt completely forget about it, my university was in a predominantly muslim area with many mosques and islamic shops masha'allah.
So when I started my third year working in London it was just the beginning of another year. Until I found out that one of the women I was working with had become muslim herself masha'allah, and I cant really remember when but then I started looking into it more. Especially when she told me things that I couldnt handle. So I looked them up and found out that the things I didnt understand werent actually muslim issues that was when I found out she was an Ahmadiyya muslim, well if you can call them muslims. There are things I really dont agree with in that, so by finding out these strange things I was actually finding out more about Islam.
So I looked more into it on the internet and came across chat rooms and islamic forums... it was here that i met some very good muslims that have helped me on my travels alhamdulillah. I even found a new muslims project near when I was when i went back to uni, so I emailed them to see what they were all about, and they put me in touch with a sister who is very dear to my heart. At first she says she couldnt see us having anything in common, but alhamdulillah she gave me a second chance and we are very good friends now, she was there when i said my shahada (Oct 1st 2003) and has been there for me ever since, even when Im on the other side of the world.
Well, I think thats about it in a nutshell, i would love to say that my deen is growing stronger everyday but unfortunately I cant. I still havent told my mum, for fear of her reaction.... I know I should only fear Allah (swt) but until you have been in the situation....... well insha'allah i will tell her soon, although myself and a few people (including my cousin) believe she already knows she just doesnt want to believe it. Insha'allah things will be sorted soon, because it is killing me keeping the biggest thing in my life from her. But her opinions arent really your everyday open-minded opinions that would make this easy.