.. funny things they are. Personally mine have always been weird, now I dont know if thats because of me, or the people I choose to have relationships with. Ever since I was a little girl, I remember I made a good friend at the end of primary school (around aged 10) who I used to play with after school (although I should have been at the mums of someone else I went to school with who my mum paid to look after me, but I hated them) we used to climb trees and generally get in trouble. We were good friends and I enjoyed all that, then we moved :( I was at school with my cousin, knew noone in a strange town where people made fun of my accent and I had no friends. I sort of made friends with the girls that my cousin knew, and it gradually progressed from there, although saying that I could count the number of times Ive been in touch with each of these girls on one hand. I made a good friend the end of my senior years (aged 16) who I still class as one of my very good friends today.
I feel that every friendship I have made Ive been forced into, after leaving Liverpool I knew noone at the new place, so I had to make friends. When I moved to uni I was living in halls so I had to make friends, I dont have a single friend that I purely met out of similarities or interests. Or do I? I dont know :( I dont really have anyone I would call my best friend. Although I have very close friends, I dont think they would think of me that way either, sometimes I wonder if its because I have this vision of what a best friend is and I have none of that. Like I dont live around the corner from any of my good friends, I dont share boy troubles or daily doings with my close friends. Is that just because of my age? Sometimes I feel so lonely about the whole thing because I have noone I can especially talk to about things. I could talk to certain people about certain things, but not everything. Maybe thats just because of how I live my life :( Maybe when Im fully outed from the closet then I will be able to fully 100% truthful with my friends.
Oh I dont know.... huff
sis touchin blog today but i thought friends r ppl u have things in common with or else y b friends :)
ReplyDeleteanyway u no im here when u need me
dee
:D xxx
you can be friends with people who does share your interests, ever heard of opposites attract? not purely for opposite sex :) Its weird.. I dont know anyone who calls me their best friend, and when i hear people say it, it sort of stabs me because they arent saying it about me... Allahu alim. Thanks sis :) u know i love u.. like i said maybe its just because of the vision i have what a best friend should be. Like a childhood friend who saw you through all your 'firsts' I def dont have that.. but i have like you, my friend from school, my moroccan friend.. who i could sit and talk to for hours even when we havent been in touch for so long.. maybe thats a best friend, just an adult best friend. sometimes I feel like Ive missed out on things from not having a best friend whos been there through my life. But now Ive got some amazing friends alhamdulillah, and of course.. I have Allah (swt) :)
ReplyDeleteasalam alaikum sis
ReplyDeletealhumdulillah i know what you mean, i have not a best friend since i left school in 84. since leaving school i have been mainly on my own and only met people when i went to work or college, but have never been our with them. even today i have no particular friend that i can call if i am troubled or just want to chat, hence why im on the internet so long lol. just for company.
but alhumdulillah im happy for my internet pals who help keep me sane, and you allways bring a smile to my face sis.
im sure your like me i have so much to give, but have no one to give it too.
wa salam
khadijah
I used to have a best friend when i was younger too, but now i don't;
ReplyDeleteWhen i ask someone 'who is your best friend?', they almost always answer 'my parents' or my 'my siblings', it's like nobody has best friends anymore;maybe cause people get dissapointed with friendships or expect too much
( i hope this makes sense:) )
Alina
I know where you are coming from Ammena, i have lost friends along the way and recently within the last year lost contact with 2 people i could have classed as my best friends. But they were'nt what i thought they were and it took 10 years to realise this :(
ReplyDeleteOne of my close friends i rarely see these days as everyone is busy with their lives, life seems to change a bit like that when you get married. So make your hubby your best friend. Laugh with him, talk with him, cry to him and play with him. I know you can't moan about him To him, but there are other things you can do.
I sometimes have that loney feeling, but i have learnt to deal with it. Insha'allah when my baby is born, that gap will be filled, as i too wonder if my expectations of friends is too high.
Salam aleikum...
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda suprised...bu i guess I understand.
having had a BFF, only dissapointed me later in life. I really do beleive it's an age thing. Life just plain changes.
When you have a husband and kids...that is where your time goes. Of course you can always have friends and call and do stuff...just the same. But priorities are different.
SIs, I just wanna say.. since the first time I met you, I always felt you were a very very special person that is blessed to have so many friends. You're fun, smart, ok..ya funny :P, advenurous and honest. Masha'allah ur always encouraging ur friends and listening to them.. I for one, do not know how I would have gotten through any that I have without your support. Jazak'allah Khair. Sis, your always having the best inentions...and your love for Allah and the deen and your faith and sabr. gives a tremendous example to follow.
Don't ever sell urself short. I am 100% positive that all you have expeeinced and gon through i for a reason that is yet to show itself. Allah has plans for you!! ;)
When you are wih your hubby...and have a family of your own, ur thoughts of best friend, whatver your expections or visions of that are... will just fly in the wind.
I for one...consider you a best friend.
love you!! xoxxo
thanks girls for all your comments :) makes me think more about it ;) anisah.. u made me cry :D masha'allah
ReplyDeletehahah your turn !! lol
ReplyDeleteAsalaam `alaikum, aww what a heart-felt post! I kinda know what you mean, but trust me when you get married your husband will become like a BFF insha'Allah :-D
ReplyDeleteAnd even though I don't know you face-2-face, I feel that your a kind and sweet sister!
May Allah (s.w.t.) bless you, ameen <3
Assalamu'alaikum Ammena,
ReplyDelete:) hi!
Curiously, i've been thinking about what the definition of a bestfriend is lately as well.
this is going to sound funny, but i thought of winnie the pooh, and his circle of friends. there's the gloomy depressed eeyor, and the bouncy tigger, and the insecure piglet, the wise Mr. Rabbit etc. different individuals, but they go through things together.
And Rasulallah s.a.w and his companions. some of them are completely different, and often butt heads. but they had a common cause and not all were childhood friends..
i've seen friends who are forced to be together (for studies) butt heads ferociously, and subsequently seen friends who takes sides, and i thought to myself 'oh no, that's the end of that relationship'. but then some time later, that very relationship seemed to be somewhat stronger. it is as if, sometimes a dispute is a bonding mechanism. intriguing.
i agree though, for most ppl, they're 'best' friends stem from starting childhood together.. but not all. best friends can cross paths later on in life.
sometimes i feel like i'm missing out too... i dont share many 'firsts' to many people. and tend to withdraw from disputes. but the past is gone now, and we can only look forward. they'll be some more 'firsts' in the rest of our lives right?
hugs,
Melor
I've noticed a weird change with relationships in the past twelve years... I have no idea what has happened but relationships have become rare. I hear soooo many of my fellow women talking about not having best friends and feeling lonely ~ and these are women from all walks of life, all ages, all lifestyles and faiths. Somewhere over the past decade "making friends" has become incredibly difficult! And it seems to be, at least in the West, a universal problem amongst us women.
ReplyDeleteAssalamu alaikom,
ReplyDeleteThe internet has helped us make more connections but they don't always have the same strength as "traditional" friendships, I guess I'll say, for lack of a better term. For me, I found that after I got out of highschool, I really didn't have anyone who I could call a best friend anymore. Life moves us all in different directions and so people move in and out of our spheres, too. You and I have been friends for what... like five years? I'd say that's something, even if we don't get to see each other regularly, or we don't talk all the time. You know, it's funny, I just get so busy with boring day to day stuff like cleaning and homework and errands that I don't talk to anybody on a regular basis, not even my mother. Sometimes I'll realize it's been a week or more since I've last talked to her. Oops. But the people whom I love and care about (and you are in that group), I'm always thinking about and I always am happy that I saw you/talked to you/chatted online, whatever. In fact, we sort of touched on this the other day, that I'm sorry I didn't make a better effort to spend time with you, now that I know you'll be moving so far away. It's easy to think someone is just going to be there! Anyway... I have always admired how many friends you have. You seem to make friends easily and stay friends with people.
eyes-serene
Salaam,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel.
It's a blessing to have a friend who you can share everything with. I had that once and it just fell apart. But I have made wonderful friends ever since. I have learned that there are wonderful people out there, people who understand, people who care, and people who listen.
True Friends will always be there for you.
And whatever you lose, I believe it comes back in another form.
Ammena said: maybe its just because of the vision i have what a best friend should be. Like a childhood friend who saw you through all your 'firsts'
ReplyDeleteI have a BFF and we've been friends for about 6 years so she definitely hasn't been a childhood friend but our relationship is really strong. I never had a BFF other than my mom growing up and even now I dont have a ton of friends.
I am grateful to Allah for my husband, BFF, Mom and a few other friends that I have, but I am making a concerted effort to be more social and make more friends.
ma'a salaamah,
ha
Assallam alaikum,
ReplyDeletePerhaps that come and go with age problem is fairly universal. Sometimes I wonder if its not our fast paced, commercial and what I call a disposable or microwave society that we enjoy in the West and elsewhere.
Insha'Allah your husband will be your BFF. I have one friend that has remained my true and loyal friend for nearly 13 years. She is my best girlfriend. My husband is my best friend, and my father is one of my best friends.
By "out of the closet" what do you mean? Out of the Muslim closet? LOL, I have used the term before, as have other converts. Hilarious though, and simultaneously quite sad that we too can't just "be ourselves" without hate or judgement heaped upon by others.
May Allah, the Everknowing, make it easy for you. Allaho Alim.
Peace,
aisha