The day so far

All has been well alhamdulillah, I woke up late but I needed the sleep. I phoned my grandad, I dont know who reads this blog or how often but its the year anniversary of my nana's death. Its also my mums birthday today which doesnt make things any easier. People deal with death anniversaries different, especially family deaths... I think the way that this day is going, Im going to deal with it by not really talking about it and avoiding the people who will want to talk about it. I know that isnt good.. maybe in years to come things will be different, maybe when Im surrounded by that side of the family things will be different. Allahu alim.
Anyways.. other news... I got a letter about my firearms license stating that I needed a background check from the last 5 years as I havent been in canada for that long, so now Im running around trying to find out bits. I paid $30 for a background check in Waterloo that actually isnt what I need :( so that was a waste. Now Im trying to find little things that I will fax into them and hope and pray its what they are looking for, insha'allah
On a good note :) I went out with a friend from work today and her little one. This is me and her little one.. shes currently on MAT leave from work and I miss her loads but its always good to see her. She knows about my situation with bro A and is always supportive even though I know she doesnt understand everything. Alhamdulillah. I found out from here, and confirmed it at work that her first two weeks back (last 2 weeks in sept) I will be staying on days, which means Ill be fasting Ramadhan on days, alhamdulillah. Im wearing my new hijab that I bought at muslimfest, its slightly see thru and I thought it was ok but I was totally paranoid so gonna wear a white shayla underneath when i leave in a little while.
Also, I wanted to show you pics from my hand :) if you remember I burnt it with hot sulphuric acid oct 2006. I was off for 2 weeks, or 3 i think and Ive been having hospital visits until feb 2008 and wearing a pressure glove. Alhamdulillah it could have been so much worse, but today I got a cheque through from WSIB for... wait for it... lol... just over $3000 so im very pleased with that alhamdulillah... gonna def be buying my flight in the next few days now that I have the extra cash for it. On the second pic I circled the 2 scars I have on the palm of my hand, they probably arent noticeable from what you see you have to really look closely at my hand let alone a picture :P Also the pics I have here you can see the pattern of my other new dress from Old Navy, my friend said it was a very cute outfit :P masha'allah.
So thats whats new with me.. ok, now Im off to find my white shayla and get to work to fax this stupid thing off... take care guys. Fi amenallah

... continued

so when we got back to my place we ate and chilled... chatted and watched movies, 3 in the night then we went to sleep (some before others) by about 330 am. Last time my friends stayed we slept after fajr, but it was a welcoming early night seeing as I had been up early that morning. When we woke up in the morning we sort of hung around for abit then I got the energy to get out and try to sort out my car. I took it to the Canadian tire around the corner from my place after phoning them up, the guy told me they werent busy and to bring it in so they could do a $20 check. When I got there the woman said it would be an hour to an hour and a half for a $45 check... I should have walked away. Anyways, long story short, 3 hours later Im walking back to the shop to pick up the car to find that they know whats wrong, its a big problem, they dont have the parts to fix it and I shouldnt be driving back to mississauga to take back the girls. I told the girls what she had said and someone mentioned getting the train, at this everyone sort of went quiet and I felt guilty for bringing them over to mine to leave them stranded here.

So I get back to my place and we get ready to go out to eat at my favourite veggie restaurant here, that everyone loves when I take them there heehee... I had been looking forward to it for so long, but my heart just wasnt in it.. I felt so guilty for not being able to take them.. things were probably a lot quieter around the table, even though there was 5 of us. I just wanted them to come over you know, I miss having people around that I can talk to is that selfish of me? I was looking forward to it for weeks and then the numbers dwindled and Im so fed up of trying to organise things.. I tried to make a vow to myself to stop organising things, but if I dont.. then I dont do anything :( I just sit at home bored out of my brain.. I dont think I have many friends who would phone me up and say, ok im coming over to yours.. I never have done. Ill be so glad when I get married and I will have someone to do something with all the time insha'allah.. ok, dont go telling me im disillusioning myself!!

Anyways, they ended up having to get a taxi home, cause the coolant leaked completely out of the engine in the space of 3 hours.. then they were late for the train, so ended up getting a taxi all the way back to theres. I felt so bad I started crying outside the restaurant and that bothers me... for ppl to see how disappointed I get. Allahu alim.

On Monday I started working the day shift for the week because the days guy has gone to our other plant in USA so Im working his shift. I wake up in the morning to find that the girl I was planning my winnipeg vacation with cant go anymore.... after booking the flight and everything, she told me her husband is getting laid off work the end of April... so Im trying to find someone to go with me to no avail and now looks like I will have to cancel the flight. The good thing that has happened to me this week is that Im booked in officially to take my gun license test in 2 weeks time. There is 3 x 3hr classes then the written test.. insha'allah it wil go ok for me. Although I feel slightly guilty taking this to help me in this job when I already have the intention to give my notice in when I receive my citizenship. Still dont know how Im going to get around that one... hmm, something to think about.

Well, Im off now.... take care peeps.

The past few days, islamically

Assalamalikum girls,

ok, so finally on friday morning I eventually managed to drag my sorry behind down to the YMCA where i contacted the sister about the muslim sisters get togethers. Masha'allah she was really nice, greeted me with a smile and a salam and eventually we were able to talk. She told me about what she does at the YMCA (which i didnt manage to remember) then we talked about her involvement at the masjid. She told me she was part of the committee there, they get together every now and again and discuss areas which they can do things for, they decided for her to be involved with the youth of the community masha'allah. She commented that Cambridge doesnt really have many things going on, which i instantly agreed with and told her that, that would have to change. Alhamdulillah she grabbed hold of my hand, shook it firmly and let out an 'alhamdulillah' Being involved with YM back where I lived before cambridge i was sort of used to there constantly being able to go somewhere even if it was just for a social aspect and I really regret not taking more advantage of it. Allahu alim. So tomorrow, Im going to a volunteers meeting at the masjid to meet the other people and see what ideas they have. She told me that generally they go from 12 - just after oneish... then pray dhuhr and some people stay for social things, so im praying insha'allah that i meet some girls around my age.

A few hours ago I started to learn the qunut duaa that goes with the last rakah of the witr salah, alhamdulillah Ive got the english down, just... so now im waiting for some girls on my forum to break down the arabic for me... line by line... this is how i learn them. Im also, still, reading purification of the heart... found a gorg abaya in uk for only 15pounds includin p&p so insha'allah dee or someone will let me send it to their house, then I will pick it up when im next home insha'allah.

Anyways, Ive just eaten and im a little stuffed... so Im gonna leave it here for now. Insha'allah you will write and i will write soon. Miss you all. Fi amenallah

Cambridge sucks...

.. for islamic events

Salam girls.. so i recently just found out that the immigration services that run with the ymca here have bi-weekly muslim sisters get togethers (is that twice a week? or every 2 weeks? i can never remember) so i emailed the lady to get some more information. Apparently that was last years schedule.. this year?? 4 times a year!! 4 times... thats every 3 months... do they not think we need more than this?? hmm... anyways, the first one is feb 28th and guess what.. i go on my afternoon shift starting from either feb 19th or 26th. This get together is from 10am-12, so alhamdulillah i will be able to go, whereas before i wouldnt be able to. Its title?? Success stories of muslim women 'our strengths, our challenges' Im impressed by the title.. so im looking forward to it. I also rang the woman at the school using the number the imam emailed to me, she told me there wasnt anything happening at the moment, but to email her with what im looking for and insha'allah she will be able to tell me when things come about. Insha'allah something starts soon or else ill go crazy. Actually i pulled out all my arabic books yesterday evening... so insha'allah ill start some more studying, its just hard to study a language on ur own as im sure most of you know already. Anyways, ive just finished the final day of my ramadan fasts, so now im gonna pray maghrib. Insha'allah chat to u soon. Fi amenallah.

As promised

Assalamalikum girls, so Im sorry this is very late.. but better late than never alhamdulillah. I have been meaning to write for awhile now but things just keep popping up especially over this holiday period.

So, where do i start?? Lets go from last weekend, I finished work on the friday after a 3hour pot luck lunch which was good. There was soo much food masha'allah and all different types ranging from KFC to Biriyani to moose heart (eeee) I got home and started to pack my stuff for the intended majority of the week i would be spending at my mums. Then on the saturday i woke up late, I had intended on leaving my house before 9am to get to my friends for about 1030am after seeing to a few other things. I ended up waking up at 9am and didnt really leave mine until 950am which messed up the morning, alhamdulillah i got the bits that i needed to get before arriving at my friends house just after 11am. We sat around waiting for her to get ready then off we went, to get the tube (underground) to go to the RIS (Reviving Islamic Spirit) conference* When we eventually got there it was lunch time there, so i caught up with a friend working at the AVER* booth (muslim canadian magazine and very good masha'allah) and then decided to check out the stalls.. I had intended on getting a few things beforehand so i knew i had to have some money with me. Then time just ran away from me and before i knew it it was 1415pm and i was late for the next lecture, I caught up with my friends who didnt end up going to it, when I look back at the program now I wish i had looked at it and seen that i did want to go to the lecture, but i ended up missing it. There were many lectures i should have made more of an effort to go to, but the ones i did go to did touch my heart in more ways than one alhamdulillah. There were 2 speakers that really stick out Moez Masoud* and Tariq Ramadan* subhanallah these guys are amazing and if you ever get the chance to hear either of them speak I highly recommend it, masha'allah. Moez is in Egypt and Tariq is currently living in UK. I went to a lecture of Tariqs on sunday and he is so good in speaking, he started talking about his late father (May Allah (swt) reward him with Jennah) and he had to stop to compose himself a few times.. there were many wet eyes, including mine... With Moez hes a younger guy and relates well to the younger generation masha'allah. I stayed at my friends on the saturday evening which was fun too.. we stayed for the nasheed concert, so didnt get home til 2.30am.. i wish i didnt have to stay but i was staying at hers and she wanted to stay. I couldnt believe the women jumping up and down for the singers, astagfrillah... i felt embarassed, was like being at a pop concert.

Anyways, I left the place during the lunch break, took the tube back to the station and drove up to my mums for xmas. Xmas morning wasnt too good, my mum and stepdad had a massive row in the evening leading into the morning up to the point were he told me he wanted to start 2007 fresh on his own, this is what i wanted to do to him!! Subhanallah.. this is my mum, does he really expect me to stick up for him. Its weird now.. they talked eventually as my mum was packing to leave for about half an hour, then her friend phoned from UK so i interrupted them.. then everything was ok, like just been brushed under the carpet.. Allahu alim...

I spent a few days with my mum and came back to Cambridge on the thursday day, making a detour to IKEA with my mums friend who wanted to pick up some frames. I ended up getting a desk, bookcase and a really nice big picture that was on sale, just to make my spare room look more like something other than a rubbish tip! alhamdulillah looks alot better now, and i seem to be spending more time in here cause its comfy and relaxing.

So yesterday i had some friends over for a little 'look at my new place' party.. i had to stay up til midnight cause my mum phones me (anyone elses mum do this?) so i thought what better way to make sure i stay up than have a party?? So i had 3 friends over, there were supposed to be more but what with Eid celebrations on different days, 3 was cool though. They got here quite late around 530pm and we needed lots of stuff so we went for a little drive. Ordered pizzas, picked up some dvds, hunted for halal marshmallows (which we didnt find) When we pulled into the pizza hut carpark there was a car next to us with an older woman sat in the passenger side, she stared at me when i got out and even did a 180 watching us walking to the door. I commented this to my friend, who had also seen her and she said 'so not many muslims in cambridge then' i told her i dont see that many where i live.. we ask for the pizza and as the guy is sorting our order he asks if we are celebrating eid, so we tell him yeh, well yesterday too.. so his reply?? 'Eid mubarak' then my friend was like... erm, are u... now i know not to judge muslims by their looks cause i know many girls without scarves and i know a few niqabis who really arent as pious as the cloth makes them out to be Allahu alim... this guy was white, (although there were arguments in the car between revert and persian) masha'allah.. i told him, just when i was tellin her there are no muslims here, he told me.. no, theres loads.. subhanallah.. i had goosebumps it was such a good end to the outside evening. We ate, chatted, prayed, and watched films all evening, had fondu too with chocolate yummy... i eventually went to bed at 330am, I think they stayed up til about 530am and still managed to wake for fajr masha'allah.. im just glad im having 'a break'

Anyways, I think ive filled u in on my life so far from last time i wrote. Anything i forgot let me know... insha'allah now im off for a shower, or maybe an early evening.. I could do with the sleep, and its back to work in the morning. Insha'allah i hear from u soon. Fi amenallah

My weekend

Assalamalikum girls,
so this weekend was pretty cool, yesterday i drove back to my old place to pick up some bits i had left behind and the mail, i received a cheque from WSIB for $800 for loss of earnings when i was off with my hand. Then stopped in at Nadias, we prayed dhuhr and chatted for abit, it was good to talk to someone.. dont really have anyone to talk to here! :( then i potted off to Food basics & price chopper (both of which i have now found in Cambridge) then i drove back to mine via IKEA. Spent over $400 in there on 2 main items, a chest of drawers ($300) and a bedside table ($75) my mum is being me the drawers so thats ok. Then i set off back to my place with the intention of setting everything up. Well I got the bedside table almost done, until i realised that my hand wasnt coping well with screwing things into place with a knife, so i added a screwdriver to my list for the next day. I said salams to a friend online and headed to bed at around 930 but didnt actually get to sleep til about 11pm... was pottering as usual ;p

Today, sunday, i woke up and went to canadian tire for the screwdriver, i was also going to buy some glass mixing bowls and i saw a microwave stand in the magazine, cause i have very little work surface... but in the end i came away with an alarm clock, and 2 single screwdrivers that actually didnt end up working... so i came back, and then it was nearly time to set out to the islamic centre of cambridge. I wanted to go for dhuhr to see if there was anybody there, namely some sisters... alas the sisters area was shut and there was noone around!! Saddens me, but i dont know whether i have the times all wrong. So i prayed anyway then went to home depot (B&Q) for a cordless screwdriver.. alhamdulillah its working perfectly. Ive got my bedside table finished and now im 1/4 way through the chest of drawers... the only drawback, one of the wooden pieces snapped, it wasnt my fault i picked it up and there was a knot in the wood causing a weak spot which i didnt know of.. which in turn caused it to snap :( oh well... ill let ya all know how it turns out.

Insha'allah when im finished today ill find my camera cord and upload some pics of my new place for you all to see. Fi amenallah girls.

My life

Assalamalikum girls...

so the muslim guy, Dawood has been really nice when i see him and the other day he asked if I was going to some curling event work has organised this weekend. I told him I couldnt for reasons of college and the fact that Im not yet living in Cambridge, he was fine with that and told me he has told all his family about me and they wanted to meet me, masha'allah.

There has been a guy at work installing some new equipment and hes from Wales originally so was nice to hear a good accent and to speak without being asked to repeat myself a few times. It was funny we were just chatting about home, he asked if i was over here on my own then just said, so youre muslim then, I was like yeh! What else could i say, thinking back i should have said something like.. oh what gives it away cause it was pretty silent for a bit after that, but then we picked up the pace again

I went to the hospital yesterday for a checkup, the deep burn on the top isnt getting better he said, so i have to start covering it with polysporin and covering the burn. He put some on yesterday and when i took it off in the evening to make wudu subhanallah i couldnt believe it, the burn area had rapidly reduced from like 7 hours ago. I can feel it getting tighter now, so gonna have to really start the exercises. He also told me i couldnt wear this pressure glove until the area had completely covered over but the way that its healing i think that should be soon insha'allah. It was soo painful to get the glove on yesterday for sizing because the wound was still open and the glove is so tight. I have to wear it gradually at first and work up to 23 hours a day, she told me each glove last for about 3 months and they gave me 2 for alternation. But if it reduces and flattens any scarring im there, loading with duaa too obviously

Last bit of news, I was accepted for the apartment. I phoned her yesterday to see if she had heard anything so she casually said, oh u were approved. I was like, and u were going to tell me.... when??? But oh well, I have it and thats the important thing. Now i just have to start getting my stuff ready, got some boxes yesterday and started packing up my islamic books to store at a friends until after the move. Have to phone around a few places today to get my address then change a few things, car insurance, doctors appointment, blah blah. But its slowly moving alhamdulillah.... and tomorrow Im going for a little meal with some sisters and a video after insha'allah. So looks like its gonna be a busy weekend, I cant wait to move over there then i can have a relaxing weekend cause i havent had one of those in awhile.

Ok, now time for fajr and for getting ready for another work day, alhamdulillah. Take care girls, and keep in touch. Fi amenallah

The frustration

Assalamalikum, so i just wanna vent about my day.. well 10 minutes of my day. So I went to the masjid Ive been praying at all week today for Dhuhr, when I got there it was locked, which i was expecting so I waited around for abit. Some dude came up to me and asked me what i was doing there, when i told him i was there to pray he asked me where to which i told him downstairs in the big room. He told me i couldnt pray there, there werent facilities for women. Now come on... facilities??? what do we need thats so different than men?? Do we need a slide? astagfrillah sorry, then he told me i should go home to pray, to which i told him (now he was getting to me at this point) i didnt live around there. So I waited around and in the end another guy drove in and walked straight to me, I felt like he was some sort of bouncer or something. So he salamed me, which was nice, then told me i couldnt pray here... after repeatedly asking him why he told me the mosque committee had decided to do this, I asked him if there was a woman on this 'committee' he laughed and started to tell me about the other mosque. Subhanallah... i nearly felt like crying. So i asked how far this was away.. he told me about 5mins, bare in mind i work only 4 mins from this masjid so this would mean nearly 10 mins away from work, which i told him and he just blankly looked at me.

So in the end i left for the other masjid... subhanallah, i was glad i did go, its massive and is connected to a school. Theres a nice womens section, cant see the other side cause its another room, but its clean with wudu area masha'allah and a nice big window. So i prayed then went to look around a little, didnt see much but insha'allah ill go back when im moved over there. I decided that when im moved i either finally ask if I can use a room, Im gonna ask Dawood where he prays when he has to, see if he prays at work, or just drive home cause its alot closer than the masjid. Then visit the masjid at weekends, or when i need something more, Im hoping insha'allah that they have some sort of classes there too.

What else did i do?? I went to my apartment to measure up for blinds and stuff, its been painted and looks sooo different, I got to check out my room more and was told theres actually 2 guys who live in the building that work at my place too. So im looking forward to getting everything in and finally making it mine insha'allah. Subhanallah i got some funny comments at work today: so what is your nationality? your english? and your parents? will u eat my food? i dont know what u can eat. It was funny.. and very good dawah alhamdulillah. Insha'allah I will be able to spread the word of Islam to some of my workers.

My hand is healing alhamdulillah, more and more everytime i look at it subhanallah. Truly amazing!! anyways, I have homework to do, which i havent so think ill rest now and get up early tomorrow. Keep in touch girls. Fi amenallah