What I did today: well I stayed at my mums sunday night after not seeing her for quite some time now. I had the full intention when I was driving down on saturday to tell her my plans to move back to UK... alas, i still couldnt face it. I really dont know whats wrong with me and it frustrates me no end!!! I can face up to anyone, except for my own mother, not only does it frustrate me but it also shames me sometimes that Ive allowed her to have this amount of control over my life.
I spoke to my family in UK too, I phoned up my grandad and spoke to 2 of my cousins, my auntie and eventually my grandad :P alhamdulillah everyone is doing fine, although I was told the ambulance was called out the middle of last week for my grandad who had a bad cough and started having pains in his chest (he has severe angina, so it was a necessary call) Hes ok though alhamdulillah. He asked me when I was coming back to the UK, my dads family all know of my want to come back, I told him I didnt know (which I dont, officially) then I asked him when he was coming over here :) although I dont know how things would work out, Allahu alim (God knows best) Then when I got off the phone my mum asked me 'I thought you werent going back to UK this year, I hear you say..... and say this.. ' *rolls eyes* Insha'allah this will all be over with soon.
Anyways we ate... yummy... nice roast dinner, then I set off for home after doing some revision for my test this week. I drove down to meet up with a friend from where I used to live, I miss this girl so much... she had started to give me arabic lessons while I was living in mississauga but it wasnt meant to be.. she still means loads to me even if we dont see each other that often. I picked her up and we went to Tim Hortons for some tea... we got the drinks, then sat down and tried to put the world to right.... she has a friend who just took off her hijab and its affecting her, then we discussed other people who have taken it off and how things were with them.. its all so heartaching sometimes... but God knows best and knows their intentions insha'allah. ... now its time for me to get back to my surah and my test revision insha'allah.
Fi amenallah
Peace and salams, Ammena
Peace and salams, Ammena
Assalamu alaikom,
ReplyDeleteI hope it's a blog that's coming soon. What's the status, what's all been planned and agreed upon? Woman, we need details! :P
When do you want to be back by? What month, year?
Your mother has a very strong personality. She can be intimidating and she also has stamina. So I don't blame you for having trouble facing her. However, and obviously, at some point it has to be done that you tell her you want to return to the UK. So, basically, you need a game plan... Figure out when will be the easiest time to tell her in terms of a) your comfort and relative ease of disengaging and b)her reaction. For example, telling her as soon as you show up to spend the weekend with her (plenty of unstructured time) in her house (her territory), just the two of you (no distractions, no having to be polite in front of strangers)... you're going to spend the whole weekend at odds and feeling guilty. So, choose carefully the setting and situation in which you break the news.
Best of luck, dear. I'm so sorry to hear that you really do intend to go, and it's not some vague plan in the distant future. Crap. The future is now. :(
-J
P.S.,
ReplyDeleteI'm really going to miss having you nearby. (Well, "nearby" meaning a car ride vs. crossing an ocean!) Not only do I like and respect you as a person in general, but also, you are an amazing Muslim. Our (North America) loss is their (UK) gain. ;)
oooooohh, jazakAllah khair sis.. youre going to make me cry! Ill miss you too, which only means one thing!! U will have to come and visit me insha'allah, :P I know u want to heehee.
ReplyDeleteSalam aleikum
ReplyDeleteAckkk..7 hours drive.. 7 hours plane ride lol no diff :)
You're gonna have to let me know asap abut ur wedding plans :)
Just be strong sis...I am sure it's one of those things where.. u've made it to be way much more harder than it is.. once it's over...all will be good incha'allah. It's like taking a bandaid off. ;)
this reminds me of that song by Alicia Keys... every thing's gonna be alright :)
If you can stand up to anyone then that is an admirable trait and perhaps you are like that BECAUSE of your mother. But unfortunately maybe you just can't do one up on the master. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think you are going to have to tell her at least three things sooner or later, so I pray you find the strength to do it sooner than later insa'allah! :D
Assalaamu alaikum
ReplyDeleteSeems like your family is so like mine subhan Allah! I have the same problems with my mum - we can be really close and yet I find it so difficult telling her things that I know she is going to be upset about. Thing is when you don't say anything from the outset, it just makes things more difficult in the long run. :?
May Allah give you ease!
As for your grandad - mine has health probs at the moment too but that is his age. :( He's also had angina and a pile of pills to take for as long as I can remember. Maybe you should point out to your mum that returning to the UK once you have your Canadian citizenship inshaAllah will mean that you can see your Grandad more regularly which will be a good thing for him considering his health condition. :)
Duas sis. xxx
salam nicola... yeh that is one of the reasons i want to be in uk, at least be in the same country if something happens.. but this isnt my mums dad, although she cares about him... it would be diff if it was her dad. You are all so totally right about the longer it is left the harder it gets.. I know that now, but I cant turn back the clock. Insha'allah it will all be over with soon.
ReplyDelete