If you arent married, what are you looking for? If you are married, are you still looking for it? did you get what you wanted?
Insha'allah I will be getting married at some point this year and it freaks me out a little, Ive been thinking about the things that I want out of marriage and realised it isnt because of him, its because of ME. No matter who I will end up marrying I think I will freak :P So I decided to figure out what I am actually looking for, not so much the looks or the feelings but more of the things he could give me insha'allah.
Im looking for someone to wake up for fajr with, who will gently tap me on the shoulder and remind me of the time. Someone to eat with, whether that be generally or for suhoor or iftar during Ramadhan. Someone who will smile at me when I get angry to calm me and remind me that everthing is a test and Shaitan leaves noone. Im looking for someone to teach me Islam, to not think bad about reading more and more to gain this knowledge, so maybe not really teach me just be open to my learning (which any muslim brother should be) Someone to call me for salah anytime of the day even when we arent together.
Im asking God for someone who thinks nothing of cooking in the evening if Im not back from wherever I am, who will take me out on 'dates' a few times a month insha'allah. I want someone who listens to me even when I might be wrong or not make sense, however often that is. Someone who is open to suggestion and compromise, even if it means giving up part of something they want because, well isnt that marriage?! Someone who rushs home just to see me and greets me with a smile and a kiss wherever we are (or even just a hug) Who randomly says in the middle of a comfortable silence 'I love you' or 'you mean the world to me' even though he knows I already know this.
I want someone to cuddle when its cold and someone to feel when its warm, someone who will be by me while I read or play on the computer. Someone who will love my family, even though they dont see eye to eye, someone who will love my friends just because I love them.
Is he out there?
Insha'allah Ive found him, Ill get back to you on that one :)
Peace and salams, Ammena xxx
MasAllah, beautiful writing! InshaAllah you will find everything you wish for and deserve in a husband :)
ReplyDeleteI read a few of your entries and just wanted to say you have a very eloquent style of writing and ofcourse may Allah (swt) help you find your life companion soon3r =p ..no freaking out. haha.
ReplyDeleteAssalaamu alaikum,
ReplyDeleteI think you have it spot on expectation-wise... someone to pray with; someone who will nag me until I get up for fajr; someone who'll let me warm my cold feet on their legs in bed, lol; someone who'll sit and peel oranges for me or shell prawns (coz I like to eat them but not peel them!)... that kind of thing and vice versa too. Just had to pause and blow him a kiss across the table, lol. Nicola x
Assalaamu Alaykum,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely post! Reminds me of when I was about to get married. I was looking for pretty much the same things! Marriage can be a very beautiful experience ma sha Allah and I pray that it will be for you. What took me a while to figure out was that I couldn't expect everything all at once, especially from someone who was brought up so differently from me (Algerian hubby!) And you know what, I couldn't give him everything he expected of me either! But that's marriage. Like you said, it's about compromise and also trying to understand each other even when you're not in agreement with each other. After 10 years of being married, I can say that growing together has been great ma sha Allah. Sticking together and supporting each other through tough times has always paid off. Being patient has given the results that were initially sought after. We are more in tune with each other's needs and expectations now Alhamdulillah.
Take every day as it comes and keep smiling through it. Communicate. He can't read your mind. And pay attention to him when he communicates too. Hmmm, I've found that communication doesn't always mean that he'll TALK to me! Lol! I pray that your husband is all that you hope for him to be, to help you along in this life so that you can be together eternally in the next.
Will be waiting for an invite!!! :P
masha'allah, a beautiful post..have to say Allah gave me what I needed in my husband..so it is possible ;)
ReplyDeleteOne of the nicest things my husband does for me is to difuse my anger..he always makes me laugh when I'm at my maddest and no matter how much i try to stay mad i can't! Aw sis just think how many of our husbands are gonna feel the benefit of us going soft over your post!!lol
I totally agree with anon. Marriage is beautiful and rewarding and I thank God daily for being married. That being said it's hard work but worth it.
ReplyDeletei like the way u wrote this piece it's so professional :) inshallah u get all the things you are looking for you are such a good person u deserve it! just don't have too many expectations right away and make sure you let him know cuz he might not be the type that just knows girls like those things
ReplyDeleteMarriage is all that and more! Inshallah you will experience all of these things! I have experienced some of it...like waking up for suhur during ramadan - I must admit sharing that was a very lovely experience. Out of all these things I cannot stress more the fact of communication. Always talk and let each other know your feelings, like a previous poster said 'he can't know what is in your mind' and neither can he know what is in yours!
ReplyDeleteI got him.and I am going to keep him :P incha'allah
ReplyDeleteI would say... a pious husband and one that communicates is the key and if he can't communicate to at least try ! lol Incha'allah
Incha'allah u will find all this and more :)
Feelings do come into it too Ammena. Marraige is such a beautiful thing when done with the right person, inshallah you have found him. My husband and i have exactly what you talk about, he even emailed me today just to say that i am everything to him and he loves me more than anything and that i am beautiful. How lucky am i?
ReplyDeleteI hope you have in your marraige what i have.
Don't be scared.... ;)
hey Sonya, yes feelings definitely come into it. But on this post I didnt want to talk about feelings I wanted to talk about the physical things I wanted. Thanks everyone for the comments :)
ReplyDeleteI used to be wrapped up in all sorts of expectations (spanish speaking being one of them) but when I peeled it all back, they were the same as yours, but I could never have put it as succinctly. InshAllah you have found your soulmate, and Allah is the best planner because no matter what my expectations were, every day I learn something new about my husband and realize he is exactly what I wanted even though I could never have named all his qualities. Allah knew my heart and brought me to my naseeb. Alhumdulillah. I am thankful to Allah every day for my marriage and my husband and all the blessings I have been given.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is an amazing thing.
Awwwww that was such a sweet post Ammena. It actually brought tears to my eyes. May we all get that in a husband and more. Ameen!
ReplyDeleteAssalam Alaykum Great post by the way...ha ha. what we women think and want...lol. You would never see such a long post on a what MAN wants in a women.
ReplyDeletethis is what they want:
"sexy and hot...." the end
lol anyhow, a want a man who fears Allah (swt) that is open minded, has a humour and is funny, kind, cares about me and my feelings....and hot too. lol just kidding.
Salam, your sister in Islam Yasmine!!!!
Assalaamu alaikum, Its lovely post. Reminds me when 14 years ago.. when i was looking for my part..my soul part.. tahajud or lail salah was my choice.. to talk to Allah..only to say..Allah give me the right person for rest of my life.. ikhlas who ever he is if Allah choose i will accept.. in few days n Allah choose some one for me.. his came to my dreams.. but he is not the person i love.. so i did tahajud again.. Dear Allah if he is the one for me plssss make me love him so i will sure that he is the one U choosed for me.. n the end of story i love him so much.. i promised to Allah will accept all the weak n the strong from him without regret..Alhamdulillah.. we married n he be my lovely husband we already went to hajj together last year.. he is the lovely person in the world for me n made me more love n love to Allah.. everyday he awake at 4 am do tahajud n waiting for fajr salah.. n after that read qoran n ready to go to office.. Subhanallah.. Allah everything for me.. Allah the most i love..
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