Part II

Assalamalikum everyone.. ok, so i got some time and thought i would update..so we all went out for food, we chatted and generally had a really good night. I felt so grown up Then we dropped dee and zaz off, stayed at dees for awhile chatting about how things had all come together general chat actually but it was so nice to have general chat with sisters, rather than well you know.. non-sisters. Was nice... we drank mango rubicon too, well I did. Then me, jules & little ali left for their house... i wanted to stay up later to chat with jules but we were both soo knackered that we sort of just fell into a bed and slept, after i gave jules the clothes i had bought over for the little 'un. I woke up in the morning, half expecting everyone to be awake.. Ali was awake so i took him out his cot and brought him into the bedroom.. we played with his toys and i read him a story.. hes such a cute kid masha'allah. Then i took him downstairs and he woke jules up that was fun hee hee.. We had breakfast, showered, chatted.. then before we knew it it was half an hour before dhuhr and we were supposed to be going for jummah (its friday if you arent keeping up with dates) so we phoned dee to find out where she was and arranged how things would be. We got there.. actually quite awhile before the khutbah even alhamdulilah. we sat with the kids in the big room and they started playing around, I think Julia and the other sister there felt bad about the noise so we went to the room for non-praying sisters and kids cause they wouldnt disturb everyone as much. So then a noise came over the speakers, the adhan... then he started talking in arabic.. i was slightly confused until i realised he was giving the khutbah.. so we listened to that.. it was good masha'allah but for the life of me now i couldnt tell you what it was about... Dee turned up eventually in her new jilbab which was really nice masha'allah. then we prayed together, dee looked after the kids, cause shes cute like that . It was nice to be there together doing it. I was travelling so i prayed dhuhr and asr together. Then we left and chatted outside about next plans... we went into the town centre for coffee and food at the same place we went to the day before. Then 2 more sisters turned up... so there were 5 white hijabis and another sisters... and 3 babies... alhamdulillah it was good... we even got a few smiles from older couples which is always nice.

Then I realised it was time for me to get going cause i was meeting some school friends back at home. It would take me about 1hr to get back to leeds and to my car if the trains were decent. So we make our way to the train station, I get my ticket and see that the next train leaves in 4 mins.. not really want i wanted but alhamdulillah. So i tell the 2 sisters i just met salams and to keep in touch insha'allah.. now dee hugged me (from the previous blog u will see why i told you how she was when we first met) She hugged me really tightly like she wasnt going to let me go, then i could feel her sobbing... you know when you try and suck it back in and your whole body shakes.. thats what she was like, it totally caught me off guard.. I was like.. dee dont start crying please... then i heard her let it out, well that started me off then.. subhanallah.. we were in the train station surrounded by 3 other hijabis, 2 babies and everyone else in the station.. clingin to each other like our life depended on it. At that point i wanted to say ok.. im staying and i aint going back to canada. At that point, I realised where my heart is and where my true family is... At that point, I cried for my deen, for my sisters and for anyone else who gives up things that they love and know they will miss for the sake of others... Alhamdulillah. Then i eventually left dee and tried to wipe my eyes before saying good bye to jules.. mumbling an apology about my wet eyes.. then i kissed the babies and walked off without looking back. I couldnt, I knew if i did id be in floods again, although i do wander how dee was when i left her and what the girls said to her, if anything. I stood on the platform silently sobbing to hear that my train was delayed... by 15 mins.. i could have screamed. Alhamdulilah.

Ok..so to cut no news out.. i eventually was on my way home and i knew i was cutting it short for trying to get back to my grandparents to say hello, to pray and to go back to see my school mates. My grandparents had got back from their holiday that day so i wanted to at least say hello but i couldnt reach em. In the end i decided to go straight to my friends, I was passin the roundabout near hers at 630pm and i was due there at 7pm.. it would take me 30 mins to get to my grandparents.. so it was easier to go there..

So.. i think ill leave it there for tonight.. Im trying to finish a stitching for a sister back home, that was supposed to be finished when i was over there.. the gold thread im working with is soo fiddly so im changing it to a normal thread. Insha'allah it will be finished soon and ill post a pic.

Im back!! Did you miss me??

Assalamalikum everyone..ok so my internet has been down for a few days while the owners of my house sorted out their new flooring. Alhamdulillah im back, so some things about my life before I start on the next part of my diary. I burnt myself yesterday at work.. now for those that did chemistry or any lab work know how HNO3 is with the skin... so yesterday i threw some in a tube in the bin at work.. then i was carrying on with my work and trying to clean up before leaving for the weekend. So im shaking this column and the stopclock breaks off at the neck and falls into the bin. I delve in without even thinking and feel a wetness on my hands.. before i know it its burning like mad then i realise i had just thrown the nitric acid in there... argh!! i pull my fingers out fast and splash it over my face alhamdulillah i was wearing my glasses. I run to the tap to get cold water on my fingers when the splashes on my face start to burn.. what am i thinking?? Alhamdulillah i do wear my safety glasses properly. I go to the bathroom to see the damage, at that point i had 3 white dots on my face from where it was starting to blister, just left of my nose, on my left cheek close to the earlobe and just over my right eye alhamdulilah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah. At that point i thanked Allah (swt) with my whole heart for allowing me to come out of the experience better than it could have been... just like when i flipped my car over and came out without a scratch.. the most merciful. Alhamdulillah.

So now to my diary.. where was i??? oh yes the bradford trip. Ok so I wake up in the morning, having packed my stuff for the next few days the night before. I remember taking another trip to Asda, although for what i cant remember.. I did buy some shloer (yummy!) and chocolate for the girlie nights ahead. I phoned up my old department at university* and asked them if it was possible they could fix me up with a visitors pass for the day (cheeky me!) they know me well.. having dealt with my ups and downs for 4 years, and i miss em all especially certain lecturers who really touched my heart, may Allah (swt) reward them by showing them the true path. So that was sorted.. I actually left a lot later than previously intended which made me late and i wasnt allowed to do some things that i wanted to. I got there about 230 ish.. picked up the pass and parked. Realised i had forgotten my address book i started having a flush.. how was i going to get in touch with anyone? i didnt have their numbers and didnt know where i was going or when to be there... poo!! anyways, I made my way down to where i had intended to meet some friends from uni at the love apple* I loved this place when i first realised it was there... it sells the nicest veggie chili with a massive jacket potato and i had been craving it for awhile. So i see the girls, one of em had a little boy when i left, hamza, and she is due sometime this summer again masha'allah.. shes so adorable, I love her to pieces.. my little Sadia and constant bump So we chatted, catched up, ate.. I was told, for the fiftieth millionth time, that i hadnt changed... ppl what really did you expect?? strange ppl!! then sadia had to leave for a work meeting.. so me and the other girl went for some shopping in the city center.. I bought some long socks (couldnt find any toe socks) and i bought a sim card for my mobile... so now i had connection alhamdulillah, but still no numbers. Then we walked back up and i wanted to pop in to see our old department.. of course it wasnt that easy. They had moved to a new building and it wasnt easy to get in there So in the end.. i just left to go to Leeds... to visit a very good sister of mine.. she was with me at Leeds Grand mosque* when i said shahada and i love her to pieces & miss her loads too. Anyways, enough of that... so i thought it was gonna be hard finding her place.. I had downloaded directions from the aa website.. and i knew the main roads werent the issue.. it was all the little backroads that i wasnt used to anymore (not many here in canada) alhamdulillah i eventually got there... it was soo good to see her masha'allah.. and we fell back to how things were when i left. We chatted, eat, drank the shloer.. she told me about her life at the mo, her little lad.. masha'allah hes amazing.. he can break dance, spin on his head, knows some quran and has the cutest accent.. all at 3-4 yrs old... i remember when i left he wasnt talking that much, but now masha'allah he just chatted away like a little old woman. Calling me auntie which was soo nice to hear.. So her friend came around.. and a mutual friend too so was good to see her, she had been holding some things for me at her house and brought it all over... i gave some books away cause there is nowhere for me to keep them.. also there were loads of hijabs and a free abaya that i got thats too big for me. Insha'allah ill have it taken up, but its ok for salah for now. Ive just realised... she got married last wk and is moving down south.. agh.. she still has my things.. insha'allah they dont get broke in the move.. Im happy for her though, alhamdulillah she deserves it. I did manage to remember a sisters number of where i was staying the next night so i phoned her up to find out the details alhamdulillah.

So after the other 2 girls left we stayed up chatting till 3 in the morning.. and we didnt even realise.. So i prayed and we went to sleep.. was up at 10 the next morning.. and we had breakfast, well i had tea... for those of you who dont know me that well, i cant eat breakfast makes me sick. So her little boy asks me.. will you play with me while im in the bath cause im a little upset that you are leaving today.. subhanallah i could have cried.. this little lad was so used to me when i was in Bradford.. and i dont know whether he is like this with everyone but it was like i hadnt been away. Hes so adorable masha'allah. We took him to nursery, I drove them around, then we came back.. I packed up my stuff put it in my car and and left to go for some shopping in Leeds... I went to the george shop in leeds... picked up a few bits, then next* where i had to wait outside when the fire alarm went off after eventually finding some of the items my mum wanted.. got them.. and took a little wander, bought some new shoes. it was nice to see the city again, I spent alot of time there after i had exams, when i needed a release from bradford, when i needed major retail therapy... and the place is nice, its a university city too so theres lots of students there aswell. So when i had finished there I made my way back to where i had stayed the night before to get my bags for my trip to huddersfield.

So i arrived in huddersfield about 2ish i think it was... I was constantly phoning the sis I was meeting.. wonder if this was annoying her. I was like.. ok, so im here, ill be there at this time, where will you be? where are you? I was just soo excited to see her. While I was on the train going over I remember thinking about the first time I met her, like many longtime mates i have in UK I met her through islamway sisters website.. i dont go there much now cause i found there was a lot of unneccessary stress from being in the forum. Alhamdulilah from what i see now, its alot better but i dont really go on many forums now unless its for info. Anyways, when i first met her through this site it was because like me she was a new muslim and she was close to where i was at university.. so we chatted for awhile, then it came up that there was a islamic lecture near where she lived so we decided to meet up and check it out. So i turned up in Huddersfield town centre, never having been there before so i was pretty nervous. When she eventually turned up, this was to be a trait of dees personality love you loads sis!! she was with her younger sister and they looked soo cute, i went to hug her but she was a bit off.. i put it down to the fact that we had only just met... i came to realise that it ran a little deeper than this and she was one of those non huggy ppl.. insha'allah she doesnt get offended by this, but there is a reason for me writing it So from there things got better we would get together often.. sometimes they would come to bradford and we would check out the islamic stores, the arab food shops and the asian clothing stores.. we had so much fun and there are many things she helped me with. may Allah (swt) reward her for her deeds. I spent my first eid with her and some friends and have many fond memories of the things we did even the stupid pointless things.. She is married to an Algerian.. so that was useful knowing how things were with that to relate them to my own experience with my 'other half' Anyways... so when i got to the train station i phoned her and told her i was there... walked outside to find her... saw her straight away fiddling with the wind cover over the babies pram.. i waved, and somehow forgot she now has responsibilities, I half expected her to run over to me... then i told myself.. erm.. Ammena, she has a child to think of, may Allah (swt) forgive me for that. so i walked over and she gave me a massive hug. We walked through the town on our way to the coffee shop where we were meeting her friends, who apparently have heard soo much about me!! Then out of nowhere she hugged me and told me she had missed me so much, which warmed my heart... it was nice to hear that ppl do miss me, cause even though i chat with them on MSN it isnt really the same, as im sure most of you know. We had coffee, I gave her the clothes i had bought over for her little one.. all pink!! and i took her little one on a trip around the shops near the coffee place. It was nice to be walking around with a baby and i realised then just how much i wanted one of my own insha'allah soon, it was also nice that dee was totally ok with me taking her away and didnt come looking for us. It was nice to feel trusted if you get me. So blah blah.. she bought a new pram.. but dont tell her hubbie hee hee.. then we went back to hers to get ourselves ready for the evening. We were meeting up with another close sister of mine.. I met her through islamic penpals* and introduced her to dee cause they lived in the same city and they were both new muslims... masha'allah they have become good friends.. which i have become a little jealous of while i am over here. I miss being part of a close group of friends.. and they both have little children not that much difference in age so they have learnt from each other with many things alhamdulillah. So we chilled for awhile.. I drank mango rubicon (im obsessed if you didnt know!) we got changed and discussed how things have changed and how things havent.. it was nice to just chat and play with her little one masha'allah... shes such a girl!!

Then we eventually left for the evening.. although we still didnt know where we were going. We ended up outside somewhere but it was packed so we were looking around and thinking... well they were, i dont know hudds... we ended up in an irianian restaurant (i think) and bought loads of little dishes.. masha'allah it was really nice... we had the 2 kids with us and another of their friends joined us and dees little sister, who converted last year masha'allah. It was a good night, we all talked and the other sister was asking about canada and telling me what she had heard about me. It was good to finally meet julia (the sister from the penpals site) we always talk on the phone and dee had mentioned that we would have no problems getting along cause she saw us as very similar in most aspects of our personality.. alhamdulillah we had no problems getting along. I remember when i first saw her, she looked so professional in the clothes she was wearing.. apparently she is always looking very classy, which i like... shows how muslims dont just disappear away from everything, that we can stll exist and be part of society.

Ive just seen how much ive written and think i will do this in a 2 part series.... just so you dont all get too bored..cause i wouldnt want that now would i?! So insha'allah ill write more tomorrow to finish this section of my trip.. and let you know how much fun i had with my sisters.

Next installment

assalamalikum everyone, ok so im back.. hee hee... where was i up to, oh Monday...

So i woke up early Monday went to pick up my car, funnily enough the same car as i drive here, only newer, this is 2005 mine here is 2002 same concept though, hatchback silver.. i was lovin drivin it though with all the mod cons... volume control next to indicator stick hee hee... anyways.. so i picked the car up...

Then i went to meet up with a friend from school and see her little lad.. hes 2 masha'allah and such a darling. I bought some clothes over for him, so I met her at the asda.. cause i always get lost going to her house then we decided to go for food... (after me buying a few pairs of very cool flipflops from Asda, cause u have to, well i do ) So we were walking across the car park and the little lad holds up his hand to grab mine. Apparently i am very priviledged and my friend was really shocked that he did that. She thinks that mayb he feels like he does know me cause she is always talking about me, he knows what clothes i send over for him and he knows its me when i phone.. bless him.. hes so adorable as well. Ok, we eat then think we will go visit her mum cause she always asks how i am.. so we visit her, then decide to pop into our old high school and see who is still teaching there. Now to say that my old school isnt as good as when i was there is an understatement.. the school is in major trouble.. Newton high website there are big metal swinging gates on the way in that you have to buzz to get in. imagine my surprise when i press the buzzer and the gates open.. we were expecting a voice asking why we were there and all the questions. Anyways, we go in see who is still teaching, about 10 from when we left.. erm.. 6 years ago. So we walk straight over to science (im a scientist incase u didnt know) and catch some teachers there.. then plodded around and seen all the teachers that made a mark in my life alhamdulillah... Well wont bore you with the details other than that. So we leave school eventually... then i leave my friend to drop off some presents i have for my cousin (sweets ) hee hee then... I go to see another friend from school.. I generally call her my best mate but thinking about it she isnt really.. there is a group from school 6 of us and we were really close.. until i went to uni, drifted away from there and knew that there was more than that town. U see i moved away from my home city when i was 11 so i hated living where i ended up and couldnt wait to get out. The rest of em?? still there.. settled with jobs, houses, spouses.. alhamdulilah i got out when i did. The first friend i mentioned with the little lad, she was the first person i told about my islam, alhamdulilah she has been very supportive about everything and is always there for me when i need her, and vice versa of course.

Then I left for home from then... this was about 8ish in the evening... when i got in i was sooo tired i couldnt even be bothered to cook, so i had cheese on crackers. hee hee.. I spoke to a few people trying to sort out other arrangements... then i went to bed... totally knackerd as i recall. Woke up early tuesday too... today i decided to try and see some family... so after another outing for some of my mums shopping list.. you should have seen it, i spent 250 pounds of her money. Oh then i went to visit my old next door neighbours.. it was horrible to see that most things havent changed. Oh course, there were more houses around there and a few shops had changed to other things.. but the people they all seemed the same. Anyways.. I visited them, then went into Liverpool to visit my auntie. She opened the door, it took her awhile to realise who i was hee hee.. she works nights so she hadnt been awake long and was expecting some door to door person selling stuff hee hee.. was good to see i cause that reaction. After staying there for a few hours i decided to go and visit an uncle nearby... so i left there, telling her not to say anything incase i didnt get there. Alhamdulilah i got there and it was so nice to see them. I was really close to this uncle when i was a kid cause he lived around the corner from me and i have some good memories from around there... *sigh the good ol' days* I left there house about 7ish and decided to pop in to see my mums best mate from school. She wasnt in, but her husband and 2 of their kids were there.. it was good to chat with them.. see how things were going. Then about 9ish i left after arranging to come by the next week to see the lady of the house and also their eldest daughter who i grew up with, shes 3 months younger than me and has been married to a saudi guy for the last 6 years.

So my next installment is quite a big one... I went to Bradford to see university friends and 2 of my best sisters alhamdulilah... so ill tell you all about that tomorrow insha'allah. I got some bits to do now. Remember to lemme know if you have comments or questions about my travels.

The start of my UK diary

... so i left toronto saturday evening, time actually flew until we were boarding the plane. I had eaten, read some of my book, looked in some of the shops... toronto pearson T3 is rubbish for shops..there is never anything there and all the shops sell the same stuff! So we take off.. usual stuff really, oh after me realising i was sat in the wrong chair by this old couple that just looked at me enough to say shift lady! lol. There was a guy sat next to me, I got the isle seat.. rather have ppl tryin to climb over me than me climbing over ppl.

This guy next to me seemed kinda quiet, we got up in the air and he pulled out a book, now imagine my surprise when i saw he was reading Karen Armstrongs 'Islam, a short history' i was screaming inside to talk to him.. he ordered a drink, some alcoholic drink cant remember. so i just assumed he was looking into it.. then came the do i dont i? should i shouldnt i? so in the end i commented that i noticed the book he was reading. He answered, yeh i often get ppl looking at what im reading... either looking over my shoulder and pretending not to or giving me filthy looks. So i took the time to ask him what he thought, I bought it before i left England but never really got into it.. the words were too small and not enough to interest me im afraid. Mayb ill try again in the future insha'allah. So we had a little discussion, he told me he worked with ppl from different cultures and liked to look into things that they did. He also mentioned he liked to know whether the things they were doing were cultural or religious... so i eventually found out he was originally from Wales and that he was going back to visit his dying sister. Insha'allah he will be guided to the truth he was a really nice man masha'allah.

Ok... fast forward, ive landed and im on my way back to my grandparents house where i will be sort of staying for the next 2 weeks.. I get there unpack a few things, namely the things for the kids i had took over for friends kids and family. I talked to my auntie whos husband had picked me up, caught up on a few families issues and spoke to a friend i havent talked to for a while, she actually thought i was her cousin.. and carried on talking to me until she realised who i was. Watched Coronation st, got up-to-date with that.. here they are like a yr behind... had some food ive been craving since i booked my ticket for going home. Linda McCartney deep pies.. veggie pies yummy.. with soya, carrots, gravy... my mouth is watering just thinking about it.. so i had one of these... with jacket potato and bigga marrowfat peas... yummy... Then i fell asleep infront of the telly for about 40mins.. woke up and stumbled upstairs.. prayed isha then dropped into my bed. So next day.. Monday... well actually, its nearly 10pm, I have to whiten my teeth, read some more of my book and sleep more. Insha'allah more tomorrow... hee hee.. are u all excited??

The gym

Assalamalikum everyone, ok so i just got back from the gym and wanted to let out some stress from going there. So i get there... im peddling away on the little bike, so some woman comes over to me and starts asking how often ive been there this holiday week. So i tell her this is the first time ive been that week.. actually its the first time ive been in awhile but we wont go into that hee hee.. anyways, she proceeds to tell me that over any holiday season ppl gain between 2 and 3 pounds.. my answer?? oh well, she looked at me with such a disgusted shocked face... hey, i dont need to lose weight im there to get fit.. not that its any of her business... it just reminded me how everyone seems to be (ok slight generalisation) so obsessed with how everyone needs to look perfect.. and who defines perfect?? men? the west? the media? everyone has their own definition... but many ppls seem to be the same unfortunately and it scares me sometimes..

Anyways, just wanted to rant a little. *huff* Fi amenallah

Im back

assalamalikum everyone,

insha'allah this blog finds you all in the best of health and iman... Im back now just to let you know... but it will take me awhile to catch up with everything, so please have patience with me insha'allah.. Im at my mums at the moment, insha'allah in a few hours ill be back at my own place so more on msn and yahoo... insha'allah catch u all at some point. Fi amenallah