Shifts

So i started 12 hour night shifts tonight... thats 7pm until 7am. I stayed up until fajr monday morning, then I slept till 2pm (should have tried for longer really) and now Im at work.. its 1.5 hours into my shift and Im already yawning. There is stuff for me to do alhamdulillah but for now Im chatting to Kate, and I have the transliteration of surah al-fil infront of me to try to kick

start me into learning it this month insha'allah. Im also accompanied by Companions of the prophet part 1 which I bought at RIS in december... Im already 7 companions into it out of 30 and Im learning so much about the companions of the prophet (saws) masha'allah.

I am also in the company of my trusty little ipod :) I wonder if I could hook it up to my computer.... hmmm... well I dont have speakers on it, so might as well just leave it there for now. I can also use the headphones to go through the computer for hearing the surah Im learning too :) so good company all around alhamdulillah. I have tons of lectures on this little gadget and a few nasheeds too.. maybe Ill write some notes from some lectures and let you read... hmm, looks like Ill be spending more time on my blog thats for sure. will you get fed up? thats the question!
On a different note, Im still undecisive about the trip home for my uncles funeral. We still dont know when it will be, my mums thinking the end of the week, my auntie is saying the beginning of next week. My mum asked me over the phone today if I had made up my mind, I told her I was still trying to decide and she asked why.. at that point i burst out crying while trying to tell her 'its just too much for me, I dont think I can cope with it' When i said it, it truly was the main reason Im not sure, not the finanical reasons, or the difficulty with any of the routines.. purely I dont think I can cope. When i try to think of it, I end up thinking of my nanas funeral and it brings me to tears, its too soon after. I know I cant do this forever.. sometime in the future I may have to go to funerals that are close together.. it hurts because I was very close to my uncle, he was so funny and kind and never questioned my opinions. I just wish it could have happened later, after I could have introduced islam to my family. Allahu alim. My mum also reminded me tonight that he was catholic so they are having mass and everything. I prayed istikharah and after just chatting wiht kate i think im leaning more towards the not going side. My mum says she will be ok which whatever decision I make (like thats whats pushing me either way) but she just doesnt want me to regret it in the future. How can i make the decision for that reason though? I will never know.. I know I will feel uncomfortable, my family are big drinkers too! Insha'allah I will make the right decision, apparently hes being cremated and she will keep his ashes to spread somewhere later on (where some of his and our family is), mum says she wont be there for that... but maybe I will, and maybe thats what is written for the best... at least i can still be involved then. I think Im goin to phone my cousin in the morning.. talk through things like that with her.