Those girls

So, have you ever met someone and thought 'how did I get through my life before I met this girl?' not in a sexual way, more emotional support. Im so glad to have lived in the places Ive lived in and to say that I have 3 of these girls alhamdulillah (thanks to God) Now I also have many online friends and offline friends who have helped me through my times (u know who u are) and Im truly grateful for those too. Insha'allah they dont mind me posting pictures but I have to show my love for them...

First of all my bessie mate 'wifeofrachid' I met her before I converted through IslamWay sisters, she was living in a city just a short bus ride away from me while I was at university. The first time we met I was very nervous, took the bus to Huddersfield and was on the phone to her wandering around looking for someone who it could be, then she walks around the corner with her sister looking all pretty and pious masha'allah. I moved forward to give her a hug (a habit I had developed in my first year at university) and I instantly felt her tense up. Oops... must realise not everyone works like me... so we go through the months visiting each other, spending time chilling in the arab cafes with mint tea or wandering around the islamic shops. She got married when I just graduated and fell pregnant soon after alhamdulillah, I moved over to Canada a month after I graduated and Ive been in touch regularly with her since moving here. Ive been back to visit her twice in my 3 years here, and everytime she makes me cry and I realise how much a miss her being that close to me. I love her truly with all my heart for the sake of Allah.

Now the second girl, I got chatting to her at a conference in 2005 she noticed I had a different accent and I gave my email in to her organisation. I didnt hear from her for a few months (I later found out the guys had taken the list and not returned it to her) then when I finally got an email from her we realised that we were living down the road from each other. Well that was it from then on, we were constantly chatting and meeting up, for coffee, food, films, chats.. it was so good to have a friend that close (emotionally) that close (geographically) I dont think I have ever had that before in my life, so I was grateful for it at that point in my life. When I had moved away from my mum to live more of my own life. We have both gone through so many changes since that eventful summer afternoon, shes met my fiance when she visited London (to pick me up something of course) shes introduced me to a great bunch of sisters, shes listened to me when Ive moaned, shes watched me when Ive cried, shes helped me through emotions I never knew I had and most of all, shes always been ready to come see me when I needed someone the most. For that I am truly grateful and I hope that things will always be this way with us no matter where we are. She is currently in Turkey teaching and came home for a random 5 day visit that actually turned into a few weeks so Im glad shes back for awhile and the first time we got together what did she do?? She made me cry!!! subhanallah.. shes got that gift I guess. And the gift is that I always feel so comfortable in front of her doing it, yes its happened a few times, all she does is hand me a tissue and wait for me to carry on talking for that I love her lots and pray that she gets rewards for all the times shes been my tissue taker.

As for my last friend. This girl I have known since.. erm... I was 12 although we didnt really get pally until we were about 15. We went to school together, we went through some times.. from peer pressure to failing exams to members of the opposite sex. We spent so much time in either of our cars after chemistry lessons trying to figure out why our lives are the way they are. I miss her tremendously now, shes gotten married, had a little boy who I love to pieces, who she says has taken to me more than anyone which she puts down to her constantly talking about me :) well what can I say :P She was the first person I talked to about converting, her answer? are you happy? thats all that matters... and that I love her for. I hope that our relationship will never fade although I dont even think about this because I really cant see it happening. I can not speak to her for months, then I pick up the phone.. shes there and 2 hours later we are saying we should go. She makes me feel comfortable with myself, makes me feel wanted and loved and above all she will tell me when I need to take a good look at myself, properly... now thats a true friend!! and I wouldnt be without her.

Since August

So Ive had a few issues in my life since August. First my mum was taken into hospital with apparent kidney stones that actually turned out to be a burst appendix, sorry exploded appendix (they found it in 2 pieces) Then when she was still in hospital on her 50th birthday my grandmother died in the evening, although I didnt find out until the day after because of the time difference, yes shes in UK. So I had such a lot to deal with over those few weeks, I flew to UK for the funeral while my mum was discharged from the hospital and just relaxing at her home. Whoever reads this might find it cheesy but I really dont know how I would have gotten through those few weeks if I was without religion as I was before I found Islam and for that I am thankful. I was close to my grandparents, I never used to be when I was at my dads and we would visit them we would always complain about how boring it was there. However once I started driving when I was 17 I used to visit them more than I visited my Dad, they have both helped me a lot in my days since then and for that I am grateful. They came to visit me in May with my auntie and her family and Im so glad for that time that we spent together. When I went back for the funeral it was so strange, I saw my dad in an angle that I have never seen before. He listened to me, he watched me, he asked about me, he hugged me when he never had to and this is what upset me that I have never been given these pleasures as I was growing up. As thankful for them as I am now, I know that this is the 'silver lining' that is around every test that we face in this life and I am grateful I got to experience them before it was too late. I got to spend time with one of my half brothers who has grown up so much since I last saw him, Im so proud of what he has become and I pray that he carries on making me happy :) I miss my nana, its hard to talk to my grandad now because there isnt always someone else there to talk to. Im so used to her picking up the phone and asking if I wanted to speak to 'him' I can still hear her laugh and feel her touch, her kiss on my cheek when I left her in the airport not realising that that was the last time I would see her. I was given the chance to see her before the funeral, but I refused which I was grateful for my dad understanding and not pestering like the rest of the family seemed to do with their kids. I remember my nana, not cold or blue, but smiling and full of life even though her life was at a much slower pace than ours (I mean in terms of her walking) Im just grateful I got to know her and for that I thank God everyday, I just sometimes wish that my children could have said the same I know they would have loved her as much as I do.

Ok, thats enough of me for tonight... Im off to bed now well after I pray with the hope and intention of waking early to eat before I fast tomorrow. Take care, and thanks for reading... whoever is out there.

First blog

Well.. Ive moved from yahoo 360 to multiply and I thought I would check this one out. I cant really get into multiply for some unknown reason and I miss blogging on 360 so hopefully this might be the intermediate. I have many blogspot blogs in my favourites list and I always like the way it is composed so lets see how this new love affair goes with blogspot :) So a little about me, well Im a new muslim since 2003 (hence the link) Im female (oppressed? no!) a scientist (yes, educated) living in a new country (yes, on my own ie without a husband) who loves to read, hang out with friends and experience new things. Im a big sports person, love to watch football (english football, yes Im british!) and take part in those funky sports that always make people ask how it was, like bungee jumping (not impressed) sky diving (totally recommend it) scuba diving (amazing, life under water is so much better) and the usual yoga and horse riding. Thats me in a nutshell really and this is the beginning of my new blog :) Im not too sure of the angle of this blog yet, and to be honest I dont want to use it for a specific area of my life like, my religion, or my reading, or my crafts.. rather I want to write here the things that affect, change and influence my life on a day to day basis and the things that I do. Lets see how it pans out. Take care.

Today

Assalamalikum,
well after such a good evening, obviously it had to come crashing down!!
Yesterday I spoke to my mum.. shes having some probs at the moment. My stepdad isnt working and shes worrying about their finances which she should have to, hes old enough!! And hes never not worked for this long, he wont even sign on. But then hes going, so you want me in a rubbish job which I will hate, and doesnt understand that its only short term.. insha'allah he will realise and sort it out. When I spoke to her yesterday she was upstairs in my bedroom and wouldnt talk to him, I just phoned her now and asked where he is, out she said.. out where? dunno she replied I just want to slap him to wake him up sometimes.
Anyways I was feeling bad after speaking to her but I managed to get to the masjid, I prayed my 2 rakahs and sat aound waiting for the prayer... It was only 2 rakahs into that I realised I had missed isha, so after the 8th rakah (when theres a gap) I prayed isha.. but then there wasnt as big a gap as usual So I ended up missing 2 rakahs (which I made up on my own later alhamdulillah) After we prayed witr, and they do it different saying the duaa before ruku and I totally lost myself there and couldnt remember the duaa. We all sat around after, I was really surprised at the small number of people praying last night, almost hurt me but I started to read my quran... then a girl came to me and asked when the masjid was closing.. I had assumed it stayed open all night, but then i realised that not all of the masjids did the sleeping during the last 10days.. alhamdulilah she found out it was open all night and said she wanted to stay later. So we chatted for a bit, she took my number and email.. she has started coming to friday prayer so insha'allah we will get together when im back from UK She left earlier than I had expected her to, but it was all good... in the end I finished reading the quran and learnt 3 lines of surah al-kafiroun alhamdulillah.. so just 3 more to do alhamdulilah, then I drove home.. got home around 115am then chatted with a work friend online for a little bit.. but the more I sat the more tired I became so I went to bed.
This morning: totally missed suhur and fajr woke up around 845am and prayed fajr then.. insha'allah I will be forgiven. I started to get ready for my day, had a hospital appointment for my hand at 11am and wanted to go to the bank to draw out some money to transfer over to my bank in UK. By the time I got of the motorway I thought I would be late... but when I was at the traffic lights at the bank, I realised I could have made it but decided to do it after the appointment. So I had my appointment (i was really early ) Dr says hes pleased with my hand and that I will wear my glove for another 2 months, then thats it... no more appointments and no more glove, he said if im still unsure about not wearing it then he can put me in touch with someone who does scar covering makeup... he must think Im soo vain But alhamdulillah.
Then I was driving back got about 5 mins down the road and a copper stopped all the traffic to pull me over... said i was doing 86 in a 50 zone Im sure it isnt 50... Im going to try and check that out today. He was such a nasty copper.. whacked me with a $271 fine There goes my savings for the month I was so annoyed, Im sure it isnt a 50 zone and he hid his car in the trees and had the camera facing up a hill so he caught me going down the hill basically. I dunno what to do, anyone in Canada got any suggestions? Anyone know about how speeding fines and points work?? This is my 2nd this year.. got done coming back from Anisahs too.. although not for this amount. Insha'allah I can sort something out, such a waste of time, money and effort. Allahu alim
Anyways... thats the down fall of my day... Whens Eid? Looks like its going to be another lonely day in my life.. I cant believe how depressed Ive been through this month this year, Allahu alim.. Eid Mubarak to you all if I miss you. Fi amenallah

Wednesday night/ Thursday morning

Salam girls... so Im on days this week apart from thursday Im on afternoons because I have a trip to the hospital for my appointment at 11am. I went for taraweeh tonight... it was weird, so many more women there masha'allah and i felt like a fraud leaving after the normal 8 rakahs. So I started thinking about wednesday night, insha'allah im going to go for taraweeh all this week and even try some 20 rakah night. However on wednesday, I finish work at 3pm and im not in until 3pm the next day, well apart from the travelling.. so I was thinking maybe I should stay a little longer. Stay for the 20 rakahs and also stay till maybe early morning.. well very early morning :P definately leave well before fajr to get a few hours kip. I was thinking leave around 1ish... so what dya think girls?? Should I?? JazakAllah khair

Frustration

Assalamalikum girls,

ok so I just need to vent and get out my frustration after just speaking with my mother.. it isnt any backbiting just annoyance at how she is acting. Its been 5 weeks since my grandmother died, and just over 4 weeks since she was buried.. so that means just under 4 weeks since I have been back in Canada. The day I arrived back my mum had organised to go to a neighbours bbq and dragged me along.. well basically she was there when I arrived back at her house. She left early on the sunday for a christening that I had been invited to (alhamdulillah, I didnt want to go) and I left to go back to my place before she got back that day.

I have seen her once since then, partly due to my own issues of not really wanting to be there while Im fasting. But I went up last weekend, she was at her 'friends' (yeh I dont really like this friend of hers, she takes advantage) She didnt intend on coming back to hers, even though she had known for nearly a week that I was coming up, I stayed under 2hrs! This weekend is the long weekend for thanksgiving and Im also not praying so I thought I would spend the whole weekend there. We intended on going to a big market town called St Jacobs and I phoned her this morning to tell her i didnt want to go on the saturday as Im working till 11 on the friday and it opens just too early. So then she tells me she cant go on sunday because we have all been invited to her 'friends' for thanksgiving dinner (her friend is english just like us!) I dont understand why she keeps breaking things with me and its hurting me because all I want to do is curl up with her and for her to tell me everything will be ok :( oh look.. Im crying now, such a baby...

I understand shes having issues at the moment with her up and coming operation but why does she have to spend all this time with her?? shes babysitting during the day for her and wont take money because they looked after the dog while she was last in hospital, for 6days they looked after the dog.. the woman has 4 kids!! and my mum has been lookin after at least 2 everytime shes been there.. subhanallah.. shes not well..

Am I being over reactive??Am I being selfish? Or am I being stupid?