Eid

So today or tomorrow, depending on if I post this blog in the next 20 minutes with be Eid al-adha and I have to say Im not really looking forward to it. Ive taken the day off but have to still go into work for an hours training which I dont really mind, the thing Im not looking forward to is being on my own. The whole time that I have been muslim I think Ive only really had 1 Eid where Ive been able to concentrate on having fun and relaxing with friends, not having to worry about whether my mum will phone me and if I will be able to get away from the noise to talk to her without her asking me where I am. That was my first Eid al-fitr when I had converted not long before Ramadhan had started and I was with my friend Dianna. She invited me over to her friends house, we sat and chilled and helped her friend make the food for her family. Although it was probably a big stress to her friend I had a really good time and it will always be a fond memory to me. Eid al-adha is always a funny one too, there isnt a lead up to the holiday unless you are on hajj, but I have found with fasting the 9 days before that I have felt better about it this year than previous years, so God willing I would like to incorporate that into my life in the future.

Im looking forward to the next eid because hopefully I will be married by then and Im nervous and excited to see the difference that will make. To actually have someone to break fast with, to talk to someone about your trials of the day and discuss how you feel during those times. I cant wait :) Although I dont know where I will be spending the holiday as my fiance has spent much of Ramadhan in Algeria since I have known him.. I would like to spend more time together though, with it being our first one together (if we are married by then that is) Although I wouldnt mind visiting over that time. Well its awhile off yet so we will see how things pan out before then. So now, Im going to pray and then Im off for an early night, up early for Eid prayer tomorrow, I just found out that I make have a visitor tomorrow but Im not building my hopes up but Ill take my camera wherever I go.

Peace and Salams

Ammena

Day of Arafat

Today I was supposed to be going for a 'holiday' meal with my department and I was excited for it, then I realised that Eid al-adha (the festival of sacrifice) was the day before I had originally thought. Which meant that the day of Arafat was actually on the same day as the meal. So now I was in a dilemma.. because of this hadith narrated by Muslim

It was reported from Abu Qutaadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked about fasting on the Day of Arafaah. He said, 'It expiates for the sins of the previous year and of the coming year.'

So I either fast and expiate my sins from last year and this year coming or I go to a chinese chain buffet that I dont really like the ones Ive been to in the past. Hmm.. what would you do? Well Im thinking you know which option I took which is why Im here posting now :) Thanks to God. It made more sense to fast after already fasting the other 8 days of the beginning of the month of Dhul Hijjah, so why miss out on this even more important day?? Anyways... thats my day. I also woke up really late, around 1230pm after being up till 3 last night starting this blog then up and 615 to eat before fajr this morning. So now I need to get myself ready for work. Peace and salams,
Ammena

Those girls

So, have you ever met someone and thought 'how did I get through my life before I met this girl?' not in a sexual way, more emotional support. Im so glad to have lived in the places Ive lived in and to say that I have 3 of these girls alhamdulillah (thanks to God) Now I also have many online friends and offline friends who have helped me through my times (u know who u are) and Im truly grateful for those too. Insha'allah they dont mind me posting pictures but I have to show my love for them...

First of all my bessie mate 'wifeofrachid' I met her before I converted through IslamWay sisters, she was living in a city just a short bus ride away from me while I was at university. The first time we met I was very nervous, took the bus to Huddersfield and was on the phone to her wandering around looking for someone who it could be, then she walks around the corner with her sister looking all pretty and pious masha'allah. I moved forward to give her a hug (a habit I had developed in my first year at university) and I instantly felt her tense up. Oops... must realise not everyone works like me... so we go through the months visiting each other, spending time chilling in the arab cafes with mint tea or wandering around the islamic shops. She got married when I just graduated and fell pregnant soon after alhamdulillah, I moved over to Canada a month after I graduated and Ive been in touch regularly with her since moving here. Ive been back to visit her twice in my 3 years here, and everytime she makes me cry and I realise how much a miss her being that close to me. I love her truly with all my heart for the sake of Allah.

Now the second girl, I got chatting to her at a conference in 2005 she noticed I had a different accent and I gave my email in to her organisation. I didnt hear from her for a few months (I later found out the guys had taken the list and not returned it to her) then when I finally got an email from her we realised that we were living down the road from each other. Well that was it from then on, we were constantly chatting and meeting up, for coffee, food, films, chats.. it was so good to have a friend that close (emotionally) that close (geographically) I dont think I have ever had that before in my life, so I was grateful for it at that point in my life. When I had moved away from my mum to live more of my own life. We have both gone through so many changes since that eventful summer afternoon, shes met my fiance when she visited London (to pick me up something of course) shes introduced me to a great bunch of sisters, shes listened to me when Ive moaned, shes watched me when Ive cried, shes helped me through emotions I never knew I had and most of all, shes always been ready to come see me when I needed someone the most. For that I am truly grateful and I hope that things will always be this way with us no matter where we are. She is currently in Turkey teaching and came home for a random 5 day visit that actually turned into a few weeks so Im glad shes back for awhile and the first time we got together what did she do?? She made me cry!!! subhanallah.. shes got that gift I guess. And the gift is that I always feel so comfortable in front of her doing it, yes its happened a few times, all she does is hand me a tissue and wait for me to carry on talking for that I love her lots and pray that she gets rewards for all the times shes been my tissue taker.

As for my last friend. This girl I have known since.. erm... I was 12 although we didnt really get pally until we were about 15. We went to school together, we went through some times.. from peer pressure to failing exams to members of the opposite sex. We spent so much time in either of our cars after chemistry lessons trying to figure out why our lives are the way they are. I miss her tremendously now, shes gotten married, had a little boy who I love to pieces, who she says has taken to me more than anyone which she puts down to her constantly talking about me :) well what can I say :P She was the first person I talked to about converting, her answer? are you happy? thats all that matters... and that I love her for. I hope that our relationship will never fade although I dont even think about this because I really cant see it happening. I can not speak to her for months, then I pick up the phone.. shes there and 2 hours later we are saying we should go. She makes me feel comfortable with myself, makes me feel wanted and loved and above all she will tell me when I need to take a good look at myself, properly... now thats a true friend!! and I wouldnt be without her.

Since August

So Ive had a few issues in my life since August. First my mum was taken into hospital with apparent kidney stones that actually turned out to be a burst appendix, sorry exploded appendix (they found it in 2 pieces) Then when she was still in hospital on her 50th birthday my grandmother died in the evening, although I didnt find out until the day after because of the time difference, yes shes in UK. So I had such a lot to deal with over those few weeks, I flew to UK for the funeral while my mum was discharged from the hospital and just relaxing at her home. Whoever reads this might find it cheesy but I really dont know how I would have gotten through those few weeks if I was without religion as I was before I found Islam and for that I am thankful. I was close to my grandparents, I never used to be when I was at my dads and we would visit them we would always complain about how boring it was there. However once I started driving when I was 17 I used to visit them more than I visited my Dad, they have both helped me a lot in my days since then and for that I am grateful. They came to visit me in May with my auntie and her family and Im so glad for that time that we spent together. When I went back for the funeral it was so strange, I saw my dad in an angle that I have never seen before. He listened to me, he watched me, he asked about me, he hugged me when he never had to and this is what upset me that I have never been given these pleasures as I was growing up. As thankful for them as I am now, I know that this is the 'silver lining' that is around every test that we face in this life and I am grateful I got to experience them before it was too late. I got to spend time with one of my half brothers who has grown up so much since I last saw him, Im so proud of what he has become and I pray that he carries on making me happy :) I miss my nana, its hard to talk to my grandad now because there isnt always someone else there to talk to. Im so used to her picking up the phone and asking if I wanted to speak to 'him' I can still hear her laugh and feel her touch, her kiss on my cheek when I left her in the airport not realising that that was the last time I would see her. I was given the chance to see her before the funeral, but I refused which I was grateful for my dad understanding and not pestering like the rest of the family seemed to do with their kids. I remember my nana, not cold or blue, but smiling and full of life even though her life was at a much slower pace than ours (I mean in terms of her walking) Im just grateful I got to know her and for that I thank God everyday, I just sometimes wish that my children could have said the same I know they would have loved her as much as I do.

Ok, thats enough of me for tonight... Im off to bed now well after I pray with the hope and intention of waking early to eat before I fast tomorrow. Take care, and thanks for reading... whoever is out there.

First blog

Well.. Ive moved from yahoo 360 to multiply and I thought I would check this one out. I cant really get into multiply for some unknown reason and I miss blogging on 360 so hopefully this might be the intermediate. I have many blogspot blogs in my favourites list and I always like the way it is composed so lets see how this new love affair goes with blogspot :) So a little about me, well Im a new muslim since 2003 (hence the link) Im female (oppressed? no!) a scientist (yes, educated) living in a new country (yes, on my own ie without a husband) who loves to read, hang out with friends and experience new things. Im a big sports person, love to watch football (english football, yes Im british!) and take part in those funky sports that always make people ask how it was, like bungee jumping (not impressed) sky diving (totally recommend it) scuba diving (amazing, life under water is so much better) and the usual yoga and horse riding. Thats me in a nutshell really and this is the beginning of my new blog :) Im not too sure of the angle of this blog yet, and to be honest I dont want to use it for a specific area of my life like, my religion, or my reading, or my crafts.. rather I want to write here the things that affect, change and influence my life on a day to day basis and the things that I do. Lets see how it pans out. Take care.

Today

Assalamalikum,
well after such a good evening, obviously it had to come crashing down!!
Yesterday I spoke to my mum.. shes having some probs at the moment. My stepdad isnt working and shes worrying about their finances which she should have to, hes old enough!! And hes never not worked for this long, he wont even sign on. But then hes going, so you want me in a rubbish job which I will hate, and doesnt understand that its only short term.. insha'allah he will realise and sort it out. When I spoke to her yesterday she was upstairs in my bedroom and wouldnt talk to him, I just phoned her now and asked where he is, out she said.. out where? dunno she replied I just want to slap him to wake him up sometimes.
Anyways I was feeling bad after speaking to her but I managed to get to the masjid, I prayed my 2 rakahs and sat aound waiting for the prayer... It was only 2 rakahs into that I realised I had missed isha, so after the 8th rakah (when theres a gap) I prayed isha.. but then there wasnt as big a gap as usual So I ended up missing 2 rakahs (which I made up on my own later alhamdulillah) After we prayed witr, and they do it different saying the duaa before ruku and I totally lost myself there and couldnt remember the duaa. We all sat around after, I was really surprised at the small number of people praying last night, almost hurt me but I started to read my quran... then a girl came to me and asked when the masjid was closing.. I had assumed it stayed open all night, but then i realised that not all of the masjids did the sleeping during the last 10days.. alhamdulilah she found out it was open all night and said she wanted to stay later. So we chatted for a bit, she took my number and email.. she has started coming to friday prayer so insha'allah we will get together when im back from UK She left earlier than I had expected her to, but it was all good... in the end I finished reading the quran and learnt 3 lines of surah al-kafiroun alhamdulillah.. so just 3 more to do alhamdulilah, then I drove home.. got home around 115am then chatted with a work friend online for a little bit.. but the more I sat the more tired I became so I went to bed.
This morning: totally missed suhur and fajr woke up around 845am and prayed fajr then.. insha'allah I will be forgiven. I started to get ready for my day, had a hospital appointment for my hand at 11am and wanted to go to the bank to draw out some money to transfer over to my bank in UK. By the time I got of the motorway I thought I would be late... but when I was at the traffic lights at the bank, I realised I could have made it but decided to do it after the appointment. So I had my appointment (i was really early ) Dr says hes pleased with my hand and that I will wear my glove for another 2 months, then thats it... no more appointments and no more glove, he said if im still unsure about not wearing it then he can put me in touch with someone who does scar covering makeup... he must think Im soo vain But alhamdulillah.
Then I was driving back got about 5 mins down the road and a copper stopped all the traffic to pull me over... said i was doing 86 in a 50 zone Im sure it isnt 50... Im going to try and check that out today. He was such a nasty copper.. whacked me with a $271 fine There goes my savings for the month I was so annoyed, Im sure it isnt a 50 zone and he hid his car in the trees and had the camera facing up a hill so he caught me going down the hill basically. I dunno what to do, anyone in Canada got any suggestions? Anyone know about how speeding fines and points work?? This is my 2nd this year.. got done coming back from Anisahs too.. although not for this amount. Insha'allah I can sort something out, such a waste of time, money and effort. Allahu alim
Anyways... thats the down fall of my day... Whens Eid? Looks like its going to be another lonely day in my life.. I cant believe how depressed Ive been through this month this year, Allahu alim.. Eid Mubarak to you all if I miss you. Fi amenallah